Tell your mother if she has any concern or love for her grandchildren she should do this for them. Does she prefer they not grow up with a dad? Does she really think that's better for them? How does she know the next guy won't do the same thing and cheat on you (do you think all of us here expected this from our spouses?). How easy does she think it will be to find a great husband and stepdad for 3 young girls? (Not all guys want to take on someone else's 3 young kids and chances of divorce only increase with each succeeding marraige)? And would she be happy if you date or marry some other guy who seems wonderful, but then ends up molesting the kids? (Highest percentage of child molestation occurs in single or step-parent families).
And Saffie, I think you are a wise woman, but first and second choise can always change (here I'm talking but have agonized over this same thing!!!). A spouse might return because the OP dumped them, or a money situation... but that doesn't mean it can't become a relationship where the spouse BECOMES THE FIRST CHOISE. I know people who have decided not to leave their families because of the kids, or because things weren't great with the OP... or they were dumped. But then later, will say, "I can't imagine not being with my husband (or wife)." Sometimes there's still confusion and uncertainty, and it's time and healing that create the real closeness and bond. I suspect The Girls husband may not even know first or second choise at this time. He may still be confused. But, feelings, situations, preferences, what is truly felt to be valuable, everything.... can change.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
