I also think your wife may have difficulty processing her emotions before she acts.
That doesn't make it better for you... but it may help you understand that it isn't all about 'you'.... and personalizing it when she gets really vicious like this.
Seems to me, that is covering up some very powerful fears. And that is quite sad to me... I hate feeling scared and sad and not safe... and I can tell you... when I get that way... boy howdy... can I get mean and vicious and angry... kind of biological, in a way... part of me that is pure animal...
