Cobra: I think your joking is to avoid hurting her feelings and thus getting rejected yourself. Chrome: I'm not sure I understand what you mean.
What I mean is that I think there is a line you are walking (that I have walked too) between avoiding rejection and putting yourself out there and asking for sex. In trying to balance those two, I have avoided making a direct request and instead asked the question in a way to give her an automatic out. My fear was the vulnerability of rejection, so the request was not direct. Joking can be like this too in that there is no direct request, so there is nothing for her to directly turn down which would hurt you. Furthermore, because the joking approach saves her from having to turn you down, she does not have to feel guilty, frustrated or angry with you for asking in the first place. You fear her anger (which is justified since some women can use anger as an excuse to cut off sex), so it feels safer to keep her happy.
I see the kids do this with my W all the time. They might want permission to go somewhere or buy something, so if W is a little grumpy, they will go on and on diverting her from the question and joking with her. Once her mood rises enough, then the chances of her turning down their request out of anger fall dramatically. The only obstacle left is for her to base her decision on the merits of the request. The kids know that she can turn down a request for no other reason than she is in a bad mood about something. So they try to eliminate this factor first, to have a fair chance at a decision.
