BF Lou, after being here for a few years, do you think most men are selfish? I don't see most men represented on the SSM forum as selfish. IRL, I see very few guys that I would consider selfish. H that have different goals and values than the W has, yes. Quite a few of those R’s. BB sees some differences as each individual should do as s/he pleases or the R is in deal breaker mode.
MoJo's H was self-centered/depressed at times. Corrri’s H?????
I see mismatches in expectations between H's and W's. I see men missing clues, not being able to read women-speak. I see men buying into the equal leadership model. I see men giving W's most of the things she wants but in a different form than she wants or not at the right time. I see FOO messing with decisions and expectations. That has been my personal experience.
On another forum, where most of the posters are LBW's, I hear of examples of selfish men. I hear W's say they did everything. She had the perfect M. She was the perfect W. A few of those statements might be true.
After a while the LBW's admit to chinks in the M. Some even say they (W) contributed to the demise of the M and that it took the H's leaving to see the good things she had in the past.
BF, selfish goes two ways. BB's idea that men are selfish comes from her FOO, and from BB working in a Co-Dependency program the hospital had when she was the med nurse. People see what they want to see, saw in the past and formed a global opinion, and what they can relate to. . (BTW I really liked BB’s stepfather. He did have different rules than her mother)
Sometimes I think, BB would do fine married to someone with double my income, double my spending level, if he were easy-going. Some guys with double my income, double my spending wouldn't be OK with some of the things BB likes to do, wants, or doesn't like to do.
