Wow Dom! That sounds really encouraging. What exactly are your stats? (ie-together for how long, separated, bomb day, etc)
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
Not nearly as encouraging as yours :-) I dont see any hope of any near-term changes. Just trying to enjoy a better relationship with her right now. I kept not following standard book advice, and pressuring her to try counselling, try this, try that, any time it looked like things were improving between us. (although I was following an MC's advice for a few months, and he was the one who suggested that stuff). Going to stop doing that now, i think, and just see how our relationship goes day by day.
We've known each other for 15(?) years, married for 10. Separated since june 2006, so 1yr3mons. Wife had given up on our marriage 6 years ago (about when children were born), been messing around with other people online for 3. moved out when I confronted her that she had been saying "i love you" to person she claimed was "just good friends". (but she "wasnt moving out because of him", noooo....) (second time this happened; with prior guy she backed down, probably because that one was ludicrous. this one was just slightly ludicrous)
We had other problems. but it seems clear that this was why she actually moved out. One of her stated reasons, because she wouldnt have me "controlling her" any more. [ie: not letting her date other people?]
She's been through something like 3 other online "interests" since then. Still talks to most of them. Meanwhile, she's living in her mother's newly remodeled and expanded house, with our children 50% of the time. Her mother hates me, thinks everything her daughter did is justified, everything *I* did is wrong, and I have nothing to complain about,because she "never had sex with anyone".
When asked by me, she "cant" move back together because "there's no trust".
Umm.....
So anyways... talking with her about it, "isnt working". So, I'm trying to "stop doing what isnt working".
Last edited by Dom R; 08/31/0705:16 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
When asked by me, she "cant" move back together because "there's no trust".
Now THAT is rich!
Are you guys legally separated? How in the world have you lasted over 1 year????
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
long and painful story.i wouldnt say exactly "lasted". She said she wanted a divorce the day she moved out. She filed for divorce, without telling me, a month later. (I didnt find this out until much much later) It so happened that practically on the day after she filed, I asked her not to file for a year, to give us time to see how things went between us. She agreed to "not serve me with papers" for a year. She broke her word, 6 months in, when I confronted her that she was now dating a new guy online, rather than giving us a chance after she seemed to have broken up with other guy. Her response to the confrontation: outrage, and no she's not seeing anyone officially yet.. but then immediately and silently arranging for me to be served the papers, without warning, at that point. (for those who dont know.. that's when divorce "really" starts. legal things start kicking in then. There is now a "date of separation" on file... however, we are not exactly "legally separated". or, i dont think we are. its a bit vague.)
It's all rather sad. She moved out, becuase of a guy i confronted her about.. who she is no longer dating.(although she still talks to him) She served me divorce papers... because of a guy i confronted her about.. who she is no longer dating.
Divorce stuff is creeping on. Rather than go into the ugly details, i'll just say that she's the one driving it, and while she said she's "keeping her options open" when asked, it seemed like she had her mind made up about getting it finalized this year.
It remains to be seen whether our positive interactions... and our children's wishes... and our 10th anniversary... will have any impact on that.
Last edited by Dom R; 08/31/0706:23 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
It's all rather sad. She moved out, becuase of a guy i confronted her about.. who she is no longer dating.(although she still talks to him) She served me divorce papers... because of a guy i confronted her about.. who she is no longer dating.
Is this like an addiction problem? That is what it sounds like, as if she is lost in cyberland which is basically an escape from reality.
Originally Posted By: Dom R
It remains to be seen whether our positive interactions... and our children's wishes... and our 10th anniversary... will have any impact on that.
It sounds like she truly misses you but does not know how to walk on that path back to you yet. Those tin toys would have melted my heart. Sorry for the hijack 99 but what is the signifigance of tin toys? I got not even one word on our tenth and we were together the whole day but he was with OW the whole night..
Last edited by mkultra; 09/01/0701:34 PM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
99, Maybe I am the lone voice here but I keep seeing Dbusted after the LBS goes on a date or starts dating. You were just thinking of dating your exboyfriend and your H calls you, takes you out and brings it up. I am starting to think that Homer was right. Maybe you should be a little more mysterious about your Saturday nights? I dunno. I have no chance of dating but my mom says it works a lot.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I finally have a little bit of time for a quick update. Friday night was FABULOUS. Stevie Wonder was soooo awesome; we drank wine, danced, kissed, snuggled. Once again, every song his arm was around me (including when we danced.)
Saturday we rented a Harley. And, gosh, guess who brought my chaps with him? hmmmm.....The rest of the gear was still here at the house (which I knew) but my chaps and glasses were in the box he took. Anyway- we rented the Harley and rode around, took a couple ferrys to a couple different places. It was actually a very long day -we started at 11am and didn't make it home until 2am.
Yesterday was a lazy Sunday. I worked for awhile, presented an offer to my sellers, etc. But he mostly relaxed. Played his guitar (that he brought with him).
We did talk about "stuff" over the weekend, but now I am having a hard time remembering what was said. I need to go and have a cup of java and shake the cobwebs out.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
You are doing so awesome... (and you're a bit lucky, too I think that if you had actually gone dating other people, he would not have come back so easily.
He's just basically hanging around your house all the time now? was a bit confusing, reguarding your thing about him just hanging out sunday.
But anyway, I'm very happy for you. Just take it a bit at a time, try not to get paranoid, but also try not to take anything for granted either.
you lucky girl, you
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
It sounds like she truly misses you but does not know how to walk on that path back to you yet. Those tin toys would have melted my heart. Sorry for the hijack 99 but what is the signifigance of tin toys? I got not even one word on our tenth and we were together the whole day but he was with OW the whole night..
Well, I dunno about "truely misses me". Maybe she misses me "a bit". But I dont think she's anywhere near the point of thinking how we would be together as a family once more. She just had the "housewarming party" for finishing construction at her mothers. (for the addition for her and our children ) So I think she's planing to be there, as things are, for a loong time. Interesting thing is that she said this weekend, that she's looking to quit playing the online game she's been playing for 3 years. and says that she is looking to "get away from that stuff more". But on the down side, she started up another online game. So... I dunno.
FYI: tin, is the official "10th anniversary" gift material. I'm sorry your anniversary wasnt as nice as might be hoped.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
) So I think she's planing to be there, as things are, for a loong time.