Lessons from a former WAS

[thegoodfight]

Interesting weekend, Visit with the Sister in law was very enjoyable, however her children are hurting very badly due to the lack of relationship as she goes through her divorce. She is very focused on her and what makes her happy and the kids are having a very tough time adjusting.

This spurred a conversation that my W. brought up about there issues after talking for about an hour and half late last night she brought up our situation and how extra niece I have been and attentive and she worries when we aren't doing things together I won't be the same way.

I replied obviously if we are not under the same roof or if you are with someone else yes the dynamics change but I won't be mean to you, we are still parents and need to remain friendly with each other given our S. well being. Then she said she is worried that I am only this "extra" nice to try and change her mind. I said well I hope we can find a common ground but regardless of what happens I was a pretty good husband and a real good dad. Now I won't settle for that because look where that got me! I want and will be a great partner either in this relationship or another!

The changes I do and the things I do, I am doing for the family You, S, and Me not just one. She ended the converstation with I might want to start doing things on my own or seperately, not all the time, but I think I might want to start. Wow, I thought you have talked to me three nights in a row about the relationship I did not bring it up, you enjoy how good things have been and since things are good see wants more time apart!

I have two thoughts on this, one is guilt she can't return the 'niceness' so she is trying to do things to get me to be less nice. Second, is her mind is changing and she doesn't like anyone changing her mind, she makes her own decisions so she needs to back off more because she has already made up her mind.

Any thoughts are welcome!