Return Engagement - thought we were a success

[In4Ride2]

I'm sorry to bring everyone down, but I was a success story a couple of years ago and now yesterday my H moved out. I didn't even see it coming, so now I have to assume that he was just pretending all of this time. I thought we were doing really well, except for my unhappiness with my work situation. But now he's using that as his excuse to move out. I'm not happy, he's not happy, so he thinks he should leave. Stupid me - I thought our marriage was the only good thing I had left. How foolish of me to think I could finally allow myself to talk about my stressful job and get some support.

Recap:
- Me 50, Him 55 (tomorrow), M 17 yrs, no kids
- Dropped bomb Dec 7, 2003 (appropriate date)
- I DB'd for months, he kept saying he was moving into our rental apt, but he never really went farther than the BR down the hall. I kept DB'ing like me life depended on it, acting as if, pleasant, etc. We didn't talk about situation much. I stopped crying in front of him and asking questions after day 2. He goes thru all the stages of Mid-Life Crisis.
- On a family vacation in Sept 04 when I met him at his parents lake house, he was eager to get back together. Next day he breaks his back water skiing.
- When we get home, he moves back in our room and we go back to normal. It takes a year before I am sure we are really back together and am comfortable.
- During 05-06 he goes thru major major back surgery and rehabilitation and I take care of him. I feel more confident because while he is heavily drugged in the hospital he says "I really love you, I don't know how I ever thought of leaving you."
- During O7, we finally reach a point we can joke about it. Just about a month ago, I finally put all of the wedding and vacation pictures back out, from the box where I put them when this started before. He also is forced to retire because of his injury.

After his midlife crisis, surgery/rehabilitation, my mother passing away last year, my dog being put to sleep, menopause, and now I'm quitting smoking, I thought I was finally entitled to show a little depression and unhappiness about my job.
Boy, was I wrong.

The only thing he said was the I'm not happy, he's not happy BS, he doesn't know if it's temporary, doesn't want me to do anything squirrelly with the money. Leave everything as normal for now. Quote "I just need you to support me in this, can you do that?" Unquote

My response was pretty much limited to just giving up and saying that I couldn't believe it was happening again. And that despite my being unhappy for the last couple of months I wasn't unhappy because of him.

Then, the last thing he says before he leaves, he has the f***ing nerve to ask if I'll take care of the dog (the one we have left), will I FEED him. I just asked him if he really felt as if he needed to ask that question.

Sorry for this long, long posting. I haven't cried yet because I'm afraid I won't stop. Last time it seemed I cried every day for a year. Went to therapy and read all of the books. DB'd my little heart out. But right now I feel as if I can't do it again. I can't believe he's doing this to me again! I have been a complete and utter fool. I knew how good he and his whole family are at pretending everything is fine and avoiding conflict.

I JUST CAN'T DO IT AGAIN!

IN4RIDE AGAIN