One thought I have before I go, I don't now how to express my feelings very well without words. I know that words kill the emotion. Specifically I don't know how to show anger without thinking I'm coming across as pouty, or being afraid of my rage. Don't know if that makes sense.

I've been thinking about this between your past comments about anger and the comments on EQ about feelings being feminine.

First, since anger is a feeling I have a hard time with the idea that men do not have feelings.

Second, I have not figured out whether I think anger is a direct feeling or an indirect one. I think it is probably both but I would guess that at least 50% of the time it is indirect. My XH used to get angry with me during arguments, at least it appeared that way. He later admitted in counseling that what he was feeling was shame because he felt that since I was upset that he had failed. Rather than being able to tell me that he felt badly that I was upset, he got angry and yelled. So anger was indirect. It also seems that anger comes from feeling sad, feeling frustrated, feeling scared, feeling embarrassed, feeling confused, etc.

Where do you think your dad's rage came from?

Growing up on a dairy farm, I sometimes saw my dad "snap" in the milkhouse when a cow kicked him HARD or wouldn't stop kicking the milkers off. It was kind of scary to watch him hit a cow. He NEVER hit us and never raged at us verbally but that intensity was there and usually he could go very silent the few times we ever angered him. I guess I am saying that I understand some of the rage dynamics and would just look for ways that would let it out but not at people. It was affective for my brothers and I to SEE the rage but thankfully never have to have it directed at us.

Maybe you could get a heavy bag and go out and take your frustrations or anger out on the bag. It would be a visual way to show your anger and would be "safe" for you.



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus