Boundary: I will not live in a sexless/affectionless marriage.
I think boundaries are different than wants. I am not sure that living in a sexless/affectionless marriage is boundary more than a desire. And since your wife does have times of being affectionate and ML to you it's hard to say that you are in a sexless marriage at all. However you are definitely in a marriage where you are not receiving the affection and sex that you desire. At this point can you separate out what you PURELY (by purely I mean that you just want to ML to her or have sex with her) want from your wife versus what you want from her to MAKE you feel good about yourself? I don't think you know that yet and that might be what causes you from pushing forward. While you should continue that work to figure how to take care of yourself, don't let it interfere too much with desiring your wife. Even if you are looking for something from her.
She is on the computer
What is she doing on the computer? Does she talk about it? Me: Hey pretty lady, come on over here with me on the couch and let's cuddle for awhile. Her: I don't want to, we always fall asleep when we cuddle on the couch and then I can't go to sleep later.
I didn't see that exchange as supplicating but rather as playful and leading. The REST of the exchange became supplicating because you ignored her reply to you. Asking once isn't a problem to ME. It's the repetitive asking that appears supplicating. And it's seems like IF you can change her mind, then you'll feel good about yourself. I wouldn't put that much importance on getting her to change her mind.
Could you have replied to her first response "Then let's just go to bed now?" or "After I'm done with my lesson plans, I'm going to drag you to bed!" Or perhaps you could have walked over to her and kissed her neck and said "Maybe later." and walked off? Again take these suggestions with a grain of salt because I don't know much about the sex starved stuff. I feel like I do know about being more confident and less reliant on others to MAKE you feel something about yourself.
How are you feeling about yourself and your life goals? Have you been working on yourself? What personal interests do you want to work on more?
Good Luck
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
