My W and I separated back in June of this year as the result of a fight we had, and I got frustrated and told her I needed a D (not really, just was fed up w/ W's BS). She left the house THAT day in a hurried rush to her sister's house, and has put blame on me the entire S that she only left because I said I wanted the D and also that I am controlling, abusive and manipulative. I did have a strong gut feeling from the beginning that something wasn't right, as she was so quick to tell me our M was over (9 months!), and begin acting very selfishly and defensively to myself and her fam/friends. It became official when I got our cell phone bill and OM's number was plastered all over it, starting within a few days of her leaving, and I know she saw him at a friend's house the day before the bomb. Seems I was duped, though I am still trying to figure out exactly when the A began. Confronted W on it when I was handed my papers and she has denied it completely, and won't even tell me when it started (as I have a suspicion that it was in the early stages BEFORE our blowout). Funny thing was, I not only had the gut feeling that something was going on, but also a strong intuitive sense of his identity...and I was right all along! Go with your gut, but get proof with your mind. Try not to snoop too much, but do be very observant of changes in behavior (picking more fights, quietness, sad looks, changes in routine, smells, indifference or over-excitement, less/more desire to have sex with you etc.)Eventually he will get careless with an obvious piece of evidence. Mine was a cell phone bill, and you will know yours when it appears. I'm sad for you TTHO, as it is a long hard painful road being in our positions. It is also hard on them, as even if they don't show their guilt, it's there, somewhere, lurking under their brow. Use it to your advantage. For me, I went against DB principals and just put my feelings about it into the most disgusting terms I could without raising my voice. My W has a lot of Catholic guilt issues underneath the strongest denial I have ever seen. For me to reach her, I have decided to appeal to that guilt by using some very raw words when telling her I knew of the affair. ie:(cheating, adultery, sick, disgusting, greasy, lying, as well as using the "F" word when referring to their PA rather than "make love or have sex" in order to try to take the illusion of love out of her fantasy). I'll keep you posted on my progress, and I wish you luck and good health in dealing with your own sitch!
