I had a sit-down with the kids last night. D was whining that we weren't do anything fun after dinner (mind you, we were just back from a 4-day mini-vaca). I had to explain to her that I had to do all the things I always did, and now all the stuff that Dad used to do. Both of them having been doing a fantastic job helping out and pitching in, but things are going to have to be a little different, because there is so much to do and less people to do it.
I went on, telling her it was going to be this way for a while, maybe a long while. She asked, forever? I said I didn't know, but that may be. She started to cry. I told her that i was so sorry for the way things were, but that grown-ups are free to make their own choices. She had a Mom and Dad who both love her so, so much. I told her I want her to love her Dad, and have fun when she is with him. I also told her that she can talk to me or her Dad about any of this, any time. I brought S into the convo, too, and pretty much told him the same thing.
I asked them if they knew about stress, how it can be the same or feel different than sadness. S said he doesn't want to talk because then everyone cries, and he doesn't want to see anyone cry. I told him that crying is natural, and it is worse to keep those feelings bottled up inside. Holding that in, stress or sadness, can make you start to feel sick. It is better to get it out, talk to someone (we listed family, friends, adults at school, etc.) They know that I see a IC; I told them that they could see her if they wanted to, or someone like her. But that they can also talk to their Dad--neither of them have said anything to him or cried with him.
We all got big hugs and cuddles all around, then finished up the last of the chores. After baths, they had some ice cream and settled into bed with some stories.
The kids speak with H every day, between 6--7. When D finished, she came in and told me that she asked H if she could talk to him (wow, that was my line!). She told him that she wants him to come home. He asked her if that was out of the blue, or did Mom tell you to talk to me. She said that I told her to talk to him. Hopefully, that is not misunderstood, but it really doesn't matter. It was a huge step for her. She is still thinking about what she wants from this weekend--she doesn't want to do 2 of the things he is planning that he told her about, and isn't sure if she is ready to sleep away without me for more than one night. I told her to think about it and talk to him on their dinner night this Wed.
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MIL also checked in last night, and I thanked her for watching the puppy. Told her about CW's operation. Also mentioned that H was down to LI to visit sibs (I thought she knew). She said that she has to talk to her other kids about this whole thing; she is not happy that they are accepting and supporting him, and that they have only gotten his side of the story, when she has seen the whole thing and what he has really been doing. I just asked that she keep me out of it; that whole thing is between all of them. He blames me for enough.
