3) I so f*cking deserve that sketchpad and paints but I guess I'm going to have to get them for myself. Maybe I can figure out a way to get them that isn't - Sketchpad and Paints = Hot Monkey Sex with Semi-famous Artist.
Remember that story I told about the very very attractive man I knew about 18 years ago... the one who could do a handstand from a seated position? (To watch him play pool was to see poetry in motion.) I finally figured out that it wasn't that I wanted to be WITH him, it was that I wanted to BE him.
I just started taking a computer art class this semester and it was sooooo much fun to go to the store and buy pencils, sketch pad, exacto knife FOR REAL and not just for fooling around. Go to the art supply store and buy those things for your sweet little asthmatic Bunny! YOU know best exactly what she wants!
Go to the art supply store and buy those things for your sweet little asthmatic Bunny! YOU know best exactly what she wants!
I'm compiling a list of all sorts of related activities. I'm considering a belly-dance class, a painting class, private voice lessons (so I won't be shushed when attempting to sing Xmas carols ever again) and joining a writer's group. Also, there is my much-procrastinated upon publishing project to consider.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I was hijacking too much over on LQ's thread so I'm going to develop me theme on sexual empathy here.
A big part of my problem in my marriage was that I lacked empathy for the male tendency to rely heavily on the visual cortex for sexuality. There were two reasons for this. The first was simple ignorance of the science/physiology behind the tendency. The second was my inability to reconcile this tendency with the other male tendency to bond with and continue to sexually chase women almost seemingly regardless of their physical appearance. So, I would ask myself questions like "Why does HD guy X desperately want to have sex with his wife who weighs 300 lbs. and no longer has breasts and yet my H says the reason he doesn't want to have sex with me is that I am just moderately overweight and wear some not-so-attractive t-shirts?" The only answer I could come up with was HD guy X loves his wife and my H doesn't love me. Which wasn't a totally wrong way to regard the situation but it was definitely over-simplistic and focusing only on my H's half of the equation.
Anyway, I gained enough understanding of the whole visual cortex thing that I made the effort in my marriage, although uphill against fusion so it was difficult. Once I was dating it was much easier, obviously due to the lack of fusion, and I eventually became pretty much thoroughly objective about objectification. On our first date, NG and I had a light-hearted intellectual conversation about why I felt like a man had to have biceps and he felt like a woman had to have a strong waist to hip ratio in order for sexual attraction to occur. Setting this tone of at least objectivity on these kinds of matters is a good part of what led to the seriously hot sex we ended up having.
I feel like a lot of men on this BB are still in denial that the female "just sex" drive is mostly masochistic in nature. That is probably because boys/men are taught over and over again that the way to get a woman to have sex with you is to "pat the bunny." Actually, there is a lot of truth in that but you have to "spank the monkey" too. My current gripe is that even men who totally understand that you have to "spank the monkey" find it hard to empathize with this aspect of the female drive. For instance, I will give NG at least 4.5 stars on a scale of 5 for "monkey drive empathy" because we would have interactions that would be along the lines of him saying " You like it when I go deep, don't you?" and me replying "Yes.No" and then we'd both crack up. However, I am sad to report that my behavior was probably even too monkey for NG ( and if you guys knew what NG was semi-famous for you would know that I'm not at all likely to find anyone more wolf-like than him- sigh) So, I was thinking about the matter (some of BF's semi-cryptic comments were helpful in this regard) and I decided a few things were true. First, I sometimes act more monkey than I really am just because I can't or won't allow the bunny to be vulnerable. Second, I should gain more empathy for the male desire to see some other animals in play during sex or within a relationship because it is tied to a clear vulnerability to want to be wanted for more than the "wolf." Third, the more empathy I gain, the better able I will be to gain the empathy I desire through the miracle of differentiation. Ta Da!
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I have to say the title of the post made me think of a really bad 80's R&B album. I'm starting to get a better grasp of the animals in your bed through your latest posts.
First, I sometimes act more monkey than I really am just because I can't or won't allow the bunny to be vulnerable.
Would you be able to allow the bunny out more if you were with someone 1) you were in love with WHO 2) was in love with you in the way you wished your 2bx had been, AND 3) the guy was the kind of guy that you knew when you were going to see him again or at least knew he would call when he said he would call?
It seems to me that your bunny's tendency to stay in the hutch is a very wisely self-protective instinct on her part. She's very smart, which is why she deserves belly-dancing lessons AND a trip to the art store. (Stop doing the 7 thing and PLANNING what you're going to do and just do SOMETHING for her! Go get the drawing supplies-- she's wanted them for years.)
I know... everything precipitates a Lil story: years ago I met this guy kind of casually who was so nice and attentive, funny, friendly, considerate, etc. I liked him from afar. One day we found ourselves seated next to each other at a professional luncheon. We started chatting, laughing, telling stories-- we liked all the same books, movies, yaddayaddayadda. There's an annual festival in my town that has hundreds of events, and soon after this luncheon, he called me and asked me to attend one of them with him. He was teaching at a university in a nearby town and he said, "When I get out of class on Tuesday (or whatever), I'll call you." When he said that, I had NO DOUBT in my mind that he would call me when he said he would-- it was a gut feeling (and a very refreshing one at that!). He did, we went, we became very close friends..... but.... of course, he turned out to be gay. When my H and I got married, we had our reception at his home. (He and his partner are both gone now-- aids.) (And Lil's story always ends with someone being dead....)
Does the bunny like to do it and or does the bunny know how? Does the bunny hang back because it can't swing from the trees like the monkey? Does the monkey look out for the bunny? Is there something that the d bunny does for the monkey?
Does the bunny like to do it and or does the bunny know how? Does the bunny hang back because it can't swing from the trees like the monkey? Does the monkey look out for the bunny? Is there something that the d bunny does for the monkey?
Quote:
Would you be able to allow the bunny out more if you were with someone 1) you were in love with WHO 2) was in love with you in the way you wished your 2bx had been, AND 3) the guy was the kind of guy that you knew when you were going to see him again or at least knew he would call when he said he would call?
Maybe I can answer both of you at the same time. Actually, the way you phrased your question was kind of helpful, LP. However, the answer to all your suggestions would be "No". I've been thinking about this and it seems to me that the bunny will always be weak and stuck in a cage if I am constantly testing men to see if they're strong or kind enough to pat the bunny. If men are like boys visiting my zoo, it doesn't matter whether they are "in love" with me, more nice than naughty, more strong than weak or whether they have signed up for the lifelong or just a day zoo pass. They have to follow the zoo rules about handling the bunny. The reason I've been confused is I keep thinking of myself as either being the bunny, the monkey , the lioness or the cow or some odd conglomeration of all four. But REALLY, I AM THE ZOO KEEPER and I take care of all the animals and make all the rules (boundaries) about how they will be treated (pat the bunny gently) or expected to behave (lioness stays mostly in her cage so as not to frighten)in relation to the zoo visitors. Therefore, all I need to do to allow the bunny to be more vulnerable (let out of her safe cage to hop free and be picked up) is make good rules for how she should be handled and be vigilant about enforcing the rules. That is so much easier and better than trying to mother her with the cow (if I follow that line of thought to it's logical conclusion I'll end up in some sort of secular humanist convent) or trying to trade cow milk for bunny carrots (seems like it should work but it doesn't just spoils the puppy dog) or engage in endless self-validation along the lines of "I am lovable." Of course, I am lovable. I have a bunny in my zoo. ( Also, fun and f*ckable because I have a monkey, loving and nurturing because I have a cow and strong, honorable and able to f*ck your brains out because I have a lioness.)
Okay, now I have solved all my problems and by analogy all the problems of everyone on this BB. Time to clean up the zoo. That monkey has been on the loose for about the last 6 months and the mess is unbelievable!
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
MoJo "Why does HD guy X desperately want to have sex with his wife who weighs 300 lbs. and no longer has breasts and yet my H says the reason he doesn't want to have sex with me is that I am just moderately overweight and wear some not-so-attractive t-shirts?"
Facts, 189#, 5’4”, part of one breast removed. I wan never into style. Foe me, if it is clean, that I good enough most of the time.
The only answer I could come up with was HD guy X loves his wife and my H doesn't love me. HD guy isn’t as self-centered as your 2BX. HD guy wasn’t pampered like your 2BX. HD guy has a bit more empathy for people than your 2BX. HD guy knows the W has her preferences and needs. Life isn’t only about him. HD guy is morally opposed to a D or a separation so tries to work with what is.
Does the HD guy love his w more than your 2BX? Yes but also is hesitant to lose the family as it is and thinks things can improve, but knows they might not improve.
I feel like a lot of men on this BB are still in denial that the female "just sex" drive is mostly masochistic in nature. That is probably because boys/men are taught over and over again that the way to get a woman to have sex with you is to "pat the bunny."
Give an example of just sex being masochistic.
Maybe patting the bunny and feeding the cow was over done. When I tried to do something different, I got complaints. Now I hear, ignore the complaints (I think any way) now I have to spank the monkey.
I think our R is so far from monkey spanking, I wonder where to begin.
" You like it when I go deep, don't you?" and me replying "Yes.No"
All I ever heard was Ouch.
Does that explain why I pat the bunny, feed the cow, and don’t spank the monkey? I thought I was doing it to please BB, after all she thinks most men are selfish.
