When to move back in together?

[the girl]

Saffie,
Thanks a million for your positive perspective. You are still down to earth, yet hopelessly hopeful!
Even my backslidden H admits that it was a providential move of God that he landed a new job several months ago. So they don't work together, but they are still in the same industry with lots of mutual connections. A big part of their friendship came from working side by side for months, so I have a feeling that is what may lead them to still communicate.
Overall, my husband is a man who lacks integrity and self discipline. He has been that way his whole life. He tried to cut all contact with OW several times over the months, but always resumed. He does not have any long term friendships with any men, or close relationships with anyone for that matter. She apparently became some kind of mini god to him. She isn't a sleazy woman; she is highly accomplished. I know that she is attracted to him because he is mysterious, artistic, unpredictable and, with her, very passionate.
Tonight I am having VERY cold feet about moving back in together. He does seem to be pushing it on me. He also mentioned that I don't seem very enthusiastic about it---like I am at fault. He is the kind of ego driven man that wants to be adored at every turn. People keep telling me that I have to ask for what I want, and be assertive.
On one hand, I am relieved that he is tuning back to me. But I just don't understand how much I should expect, and when I should expect to see it. He thinks if we commit to being a family again, then the feelings will return. I also know that he is coming back because he feels stuck with me, because of our daughters. Otherwise he would be long gone, and has told me so.

My mother thinks he wants to come back because of money. She also thinks that perhaps the OW dumped him once and for all, so he is coming back to me because I still have the door open. I try to speak with my mom about it as little as possible; she hates him and says she won't ever trust him. This grieves me. It is heavy thinking about a life of family ostracizing for years to come. So for now I am trying to tell her that I have to give it one last chance. I had to ask her if she would fly in to babysit during the Retrouvaille weekend.

That is a very good point about waiting until after Retrouvaille. But what should I say to him? That I need more time? He thinks I am hiding from our problems by living on my own. He is right in a way; my house is my safe place, away from his moods, deceit and overall unhappiness.

I am afraid of all the work ahead of us. Maybe I should just agree to move in when he wants--in a month--and just brace myself. Like jumping into a swimming pool of cold water.

Maybe the longer we are apart the less likely I will want to try to reconcile. Which brings up a very, very large fear I have deep in my gut: that I am a lot happier without him.

O, help.

The Girl