Poor Heim is probably quivering now. Thanks for the thoughts but I'm not up for any male company. Ever. Ever again. (Well I wouldn't say never) Just my son.
It's wonderful to hear that the new place is shaping up, and soon to be complete with your new monster TV.
It sounds like you're getting a good bit of positive response from your W. I've read your and OT's posts with interest, and I'm wondering what you're considering changing so that your behavior better reflects your feelings (as you mentioned).
Howdy, folks, Maryland Rennaissance Festival today, little more shopping/moving for the apartment yesterday, then I just vegged in front of the TV for the night to watch some college football (don't even remember who I watched. Who cares. IT WAS FOOTBALL), too tired to sit and type -- going to like being on the fourth floor. Moving INTO the fourht floor, that's a different matter.
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Maryland isn't too far away. Might have to make a day trip.
Dis, come on down. You and bar could bunk in the girls room Bar, OK, so you're 200 miles from London and haven't been there in 20 years, I'm 40 minutes from Dulles and Dulles is about 6 hours from London.
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Thanks for the thoughts but I'm not up for any male company.
C'mon, Bar, Dis and I aren't really men, we're still husbands so we don't count yet
Did a little more shopping for the apt on Sunday (sept. 3) -- toaster oven, shower curtains, basic stuff like that. Got the girls pillows for their beds. Took everyone by the apt to drop off the new stuff and some boxes I had packed. W liked it. Girls liked it. Stopped the W from fixing things up, told her of a few things I'm thinking of doing with the space.
Have noticed a couple of things about the W. We watched Monk Saturday night and in one of the scenes Monk was talking about how much he had loved his wife, Trudy and knew she was the one. Had been laughing, but she got quiet after that. She's been smiling at me a lot more. Noticed that A LOT today at the Renn Fest. We went a year ago today, when her A was still going on. I have a picture that I took of her and she just had this absolute "Drop effing dead" look on her face. Haven't seen that face in at least a few weeks. She's also been quite scatter-brained -- can't focus, forgetful. I've been helpful as I can be (as I have issues with short-term memory, nothing major, just tend to be absent minded at times) with keeping her focused and on task and she's been appreciative. Finally told her today that you need to either invite me upstairs or get your little friend out of the dresser (she used to get a little scattered like this if she hadn't, oh, what the hell, had an O over a week or so). Told her to do herself a favor and give herself a hand (or, half-jokingly/half-seriously let me give you a hand, or anything else you'd like). Got a good laugh out of that. Sigh, nothing else.
She's also been angry over the last few days. Don't think it has anything to do with me moving out (maybe, but don't think so). Regardless, unlike the last year, rather than getting pissy back, I've, generally, remained calm and soothing when she goes off (like I used to be in the beginning of our R). She's seemed to really appreciate that. I can be snappish back in the morning, but I'm not a morning person and no amount of DBing is going to change that.
She's not reached out and touched me, but she has begun to lean across me in such a way that her, er, bosoms touch my arm, chest, whatever. Not sexual in any way, but she had not been this physically close for a long time. That's been new. She stands a little closer. She doesn't move away or tense up if I place my hand on her back or arm. Not doing it alot, but am intentionally touching her. Had totally stopped for about a month.
Sunday night, she was complaining that her legs were hurting. I had gotten out of the shower and she was in bed. She had a slight buzz on from a tequila sunrise. I said good night or something and she mentioned her legs had been restless. Offered to rub them for her (used to do that a lot). She kind of hemmed and hawed, so i just thought what the hell, and pulled a leg out from under the sheet. Gave it a bit of a rub, she asked me to continue rubbing her foot; then pulled out the other leg. Woo hoo, was only wearing panties. Be still my beating heart. That was lovely to see. Again, haven't seen this much of her in a while. She enjoyed the rub, as did I. No touching of the naughty bits, but rubbed high up on the inside thigh and hip and she was fine with it. (Earlier tonight, she came out of the bathroom pulling her shorts up, got a clear panty shot). Again, I mention these things because this is the way we used to be and these things had changed. i don't mention these things to cause CVA pain.
Had a really good time together at the Renn Fest today. Watched some shows, ate some turkey legs, listened to the Scottish Rogues.
Few bits of conversation from today. These aren't sequential and also out of context. They made sense when we were talking to say. Wasn't blurting this stuff out like I used to:
1. Thanked her for having a good time at the Renn Fest. Told her it's been nice spending time together and that it seemed like there wasn't any stress there any longer. She agreed and said she's been enjoying (or something like that; had a good time, whatever) the time we've spent together in the last few weeks. 2. She said again that we need to be apart from each other for a while and that a separation will be good for us. 3. I said something like it's weird because we're not really married, but as I was looking at other women today and thinking, 'hmmm, I could date these people' that it felt like cheating. She said she felt the same way. I sort of let out an incredulous, "what, really? You don't have to say that to protect my feelings" she said, no, really feel that way. !?!?! I'll take that one at face value 4. Told her that I feel a little odd toward her, part of me really wants to stay married, part of me doesn't, knows that our R needs to be better than it was. Told her I wasn't a good H for a while and apologized, quickly and simply, for that. Looked me in the eyes and said she knew/understood what I was saying. 5. At one point, she started laughing to herself. Asked her what. She giggled and said "there's always T" (co-worker friend of mine -- and my W -- who is a dear friend, but who I find not physically attractive. Even were that not the case, no romantic feelings there anyway.) Anyway, this is been an inside joke between us for a while, so that was kind of cool. Gave her a hug after that, as i was breaking away, she gave me a kiss on the lips.
So, got some pretty positive signs going. We're both still talking like our M is over -- W mentioned that she'll eventually buy a Dell, me about furniture/tables/etc. for the apt.
Not chasing. Joking a little more than normal. No expectations on my part and being calmer, like I was when we met.
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I'm wondering what you're considering changing so that your behavior better reflects your feelings (as you mentioned).
Puddle, haven't had time to really think about this too much. I'm acting happy/pleased with moving out and having my own place. Not ecstatic, but that's not an act. I am OK with moving out. I've been relaxed around her. Looking back, I had been tense around her (whether from me just being unhappy in general, trying to get laid, worried/angry at the girls, in the last year, tense/blaming her for the A, some combo of all of these). The more I relax and have no expectations other than conversation/companionship, the more relaxed she becomes around me. Need to think more about this. Really, the biggest thing is that I feel good about myself again and that's the biggest difference.
Not sure how much I'll be only this week. Going to be doing a lot of packing. Will check in on everyone as I can.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Glad you're getting sorted out. Confusing signals from your W, I think. Her behaviour shows she has trouble letting go yet she wants to let go. What do you want for yourself?
Acting happy/as if, is key. That's what I'm doing but reckon it's backfired on me somewhat.
Wow, Heim, your W really sounds torn. Kiss on the lips? When was the last time that happened? She's clearly doing some serious flirting (as are you).
It sounds like your sitch is really positive right now, and I know you're not reading too much into anything. It's great to hear you say you're truly happy. I'm inspired.
Just think how great your legs are going to look after lugging all your stuff up four flights! Take care.
