GoodGuy......maybe you should consider changing your name. You may be too good for your own good. No, I don't believe good guys come in last......don't give up. But, I don't know that I agree about you taking care of her. When she removed herself from your home....IMO....she took herself out from under your responsibility. Apparently she does not want your help (i.e. the oil change) so I do not personally think that H's should be financially responsible for the W if she is the one that leaves. If the courts order it...then of course you have to, but that is my personal feelings about it. Why make things easier for her? That is not your responsibility. If you had left her and especially with a child,that would be different. I'm sorry, I have forgotten which one the S lives with.....having a senior moment here....anyway, I believe a dad should pay child support, don't get me wrong, however, in some cases where the W squanders the money away and the child does not benefit....then I think the dad should buy the food, clothes for his child, etc. and give instead of cash handed to the W. I see where you can't always do that under the court system, but I guess I'm trying to make a point here.
I know you still love her, sweetie, and miss her nearness. That is normal and it hurts like hell. But, don't rush into another relationship b/c of this. I don't think you are ready for the dating scene. People amaze me how they want to push a single person into another R as soon as possible. That is crazy and will open you up for all kinds of problems. Wait it out. You will know when the time is right.
Because you love her and your child, it is hard to let go of feeling responsible for her. You have not failed! Please get that out of your mind. The hardest thing I had to learn as a parent was for me to sit back and allow my children to make their own dicisions and suffer the consequences. You will have to do the same thing where your W is concerned. It will be so hard for you. But, she does not need to think she can depend on you for financial support. She cut herself off from that along with her decision to leave you as her H. If she got proceeds from the sale of the home.....then she got her share and that is all she should get. How she spent it was her business....but don't feel like you've got to help her out now. It is called "tough love" and it is exactly that....tough.
Let me tell you something. That is the first reason (not the only reason...but the first) that I did not walk away from my H. If I could have made it financially on my own....I would have left. However, I knew I couldn't and I did not want to have to live with my mother, so I decided I would have to stay....even though I didn't really want to at the time. However, during the days that followed, I found this board and I got help and then I knew I was going to have to make a decision about who I wanted to spend my life with.....OM or H. So, I chose my H. But, if I had not been sort of forced to stay here out of financial need at the beginning.....I probably would not be here right now trying to work on my M.
When you get lonely and tempted....do as I do and come here and read, read, read, and then talk, talk, talk. Believe me...it helps get you through many a night!
Take care sweetie.....we are here for you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
