If I am correct, I believe I read that you do substance abuse counseling. I used to go to NA meeting. I watched plenty of people tell me to do what they said, only to watch them go out and do the opposite. I had a sponsor who was clean for 14 years. he used to tell me the rule. Don't get romantically involved with someone for their first year. And then I would watch him make a fool of himself over some woman new to the program. Guys would tell me how bad I was for having a beer with dinner and they seemed to get a newcomers key chain every 6 weeks. That experience is one of the reasons I post as I do. And I left NA because I couldn't take the hypocrisy. And thank you very much, the last drink I had with dinner was enjoyable. Now when did I have that?
angelica, you said:
Quote:
Please do not think that because I disagree with you I don't respect what you say, and consider if carefully.
To be honest, I really don't say much anyone can disagree with. And I really don't know exactly what your disagreement with me here is. Look at my mantra above. That is what I am about. That is what I say. If you disagree with something I say, quote me and tell me why. One of the things I changed about me after I got the bomb was a willingness to admit my mistakes.
And to get to your original point, I will agree that people can't be rushed (still trying to see where I said rushed). But they can be helped along. And last time I checked, this whole forum falls under the umbrella of DBing. I still follow the principles of DBing. DBing is active. DBing is about doing things different. DB is a book we bought because we are looking for help in saving a marriage. If I see someone hurting themselves in that quest, I am going to tell them. Because I am going to try and save them from themselves. I am allowed to do that.
Yes, I also say what I have seen over 7 years on this board. Yes, I tell people I have no idea what their spouse is saying and challenge those who deign to know. There's just not much to argue with because when I don't have a clue, I keep my mouth shut. Some could learn from that.
And finally, your opening sentience.
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you are like a terrier with a bone
Not even close. Terriers are high-strung animals. I am much more of a mastiff. I can take my time with a bone, because no one can take it away from me.
IMP Actually I don't counsel - I just work with them, and watch them and support them. These are street people whose lives are horror shows, terible abuse. I don't do it because I am a nice person. I really like them! They are so honest about their failings. They know themselves, in a weird way. I don't like the programs unless the person REALLY wants to kick the habit. There can be too much pressure for the poor guys [mostly guys, sad to say] and then they feel like failures because they go back on the stuff [usually a mixutre of booze and whatever drugs they can lay their hands on. Some just drink.
About 5 people a year stop in our centre [and we deal with a floating population of up to 100]. But they tend to say stopped, and we don'tknow why. Sorry, this is rambling. I guess I am saying that the closer I get to any issue the less I feel I know.
Sorry for rambling threadjack - and I drink on a regular basis!!
Hey MrsH, You know my story. H left and moved in with OW. Filed in 3/07 we went to court 6/07 and end of 6/07 H came to me at my daughters tball game and blurted out that he thought our M could work and we should try. Currently, we go to MC once a week, he is living back at home. It has only been 3 months but so far so good. I make sure that I stick to the changes I made while DBing...sometimes I can feel myself slipping but I am doing well. H has also made MAJOR changes and he is doing really well communicating with me! We have a court date of 10/1/07...at that point the D will be dismissed.
My MLC/WAW moved out a couple of months post-bomb.
There was no OP (although I spent a lot time spying since I thought that there had to be -- nope, but usually there is).
My W filed for divorce 6 months post-bomb. At this point the first of 4 touch and goes started.
I gave up at the 12 month mark and had gone dark for a couple of months. On the day of our final divorce hearing (13 months post-bomb), my W changed her mind.
At this point *I* was in love with someone else, but I felt that I had to do what I could to keep my family together.
This was just over 6 months ago. We have been living together and doing good ever since. Ironically, I was the one with "issues" when it came time to reconcile.
When I was at my lawyer's office last month, she got a call from one of her clients. The client told her that her H has realized he made a mistake and didn't want a divorce. She was calling the lawyer to ask her to put things on hold while they tried to reconcile.
My L said "maybe that's a sign that your H will come back to you since you were here for that phone call". I am not going to read into it too much, but it was nice to hear of another marriaged being saved from divorce.
She also said that she was shocked to get that call because she felt like her client's husband was long gone.
I am in a "no refunds, returns, or exchanges" sitch..
But for what it is worth... over the years I have probably done 200 or so D's.. not a lot. I would estimate that perhaps 10 to 15 have called it off.. a few have actually D and then remarry.. and atleast one of them D again..
My H left 15 mon ago and 16 days later filed for D. Now for some reason his L sent the paperwork to the court but did not have it processed. This is still a mystery.
2 wks ago now 15 mon later he assumed his L was talking to mine and working out this whole D... I swear he has NO brain.
So when he told d that I got upset. I asked him why he was discussing things like this with her and he said well they are. I said No they are not my L has not heard from yours or he would call me. A wk later he had his L file the final paperwork.
Oh it gets better.. I sent him an email with the filing on grounds of cruelty copied to it and said.. "I thought you wanted to be fair and we would come to a settlement and what happened to the collaborative D you had to have?" OMG I opened a can of worms... he got all upset and emotional and then wanted to talk and I said NOPE.
He saw d on that sat. and almost broke down in the mall.
He emailed me and told me that he wanted to put it on hold so we can talk. Ok... so then I broke down and called him and he told me that he was angry when he filed and that he did not remember signing the papers.
Now he had his L dismiss the case with out prejudice so it is like on hold.. but not until after I was served which he said he stopped and his L claims her staff screwed up. All to have him tell me lets talk Monday.
Ok he calls refuses to talk to me face to face. Only interested in what it is going to cost him for alimony that is it.
I have no idea what is going on with him right now I have not seen him in 2 wks and that was for like 5 min. As soon as I came in the house he had to go.
He has beem distant to me for 3 mon now. But tries every wkend to spend time with the kids again and is usually able to drop every thing for d if she calls him now.
I can only hope that I too can come back and say that mine called it off. My L says that we are the oddest case he has had in a while.
I wonder how long it will take him to call me again..?
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
P4M, I hope things continue to work out and be wonderful
Thanks.
Originally Posted By: Lissie
Must of been hard on the the person you fell in love with too.
No question, and I will always regret tremendously the position that I put her in. I can't even begin to describe the guilt and remorse I have had over that. Not to mention the loss of being able to talk to her. She was one in a million, that's for sure.
Fortunately, she has moved on has met someone else.
Turns out standing for year as a LBS was relatively easy all things considered...
Originally Posted By: Lissie
But I am glad that your family has a second chance.
