MoJo . In a weird way you are avoiding a certain amount of responsibility with that line of thinking. What if you were single and a woman you didn't know if you wanted to form a LTR with asked you for some beer?
OK, I was giving male motivations (according to my way of thinking) in addition to the situations you gave.
I haven’t got 100% use to females just wanting sex for the fun of it (no LTR implied or expected) with males they don’t know well. I know it happens and intellectually accept it. I had to have a mind shift happen, sort of like thinking male/female differences are not that great.
The second, F & flee, some "boys" do that to avoid responsibility, I had in mind boys=some one that thinks of mostly themselves/short sighted, rather than men=global relationship-near and distant future responsibilities.
If a man thinks like a boy, what is in it for him, to me he is immature. I mostly wanted you to see not all guys F & flee. Some mature males think F and keep.
I think Choc is not a F & flee, Zbube D’ed his W and came back. That certainly wasn’t a F & flee situation.
I consider my SD high, but my responsibility brake was so much stronger. I don’t see me as a F & flee type person.
You put forth 2 concepts. Cave and F & flee. I mostly wanted to validate I have the cave traits, but not the F & flee. If I am the way I am, other guys have the same traits. I wanted to steer you away from the F & flee and point out some guys are that way, some aren’t.
Add F & keep to the list. The question is do you want to keep him?
What if you were single and a woman you didn't know if you wanted to form a LTR with asked you for some beer? Thought provoking for someone that operated from a point, that if a person drank the beer, s/he essentially bought the brewery. (home brew model works here)
Before I started to date, I had these thoughts in mind, sex happens and so do babies. Because I barely could support myself, then I helped to support my mother, I thought how could I support 2 more people, so 99% of the time penetration sex didn’t happen. BB did loads of making out and we did sample the wedding cake a few times, as they say. For me there was no one else
My thoughts were no sex unless the woman was a qualified candidate for all 6 kids I was going to have. BB mostly qualified as that type of person but the $$$ thing early in the R wasn't right. I didn’t have that worked out on my end of the R. BB thought she and we did, but she was wrong.
The reason we have to play these kinds of games is that human beings aren't either fully monogamous or fully polygamous. I agree biologically. Social norms and morality codes/constructs tell many people they are or have to be monogamous. BTDT.
My FOO was all about monogamy. I was told and believed if I took it for a test drive, ran it off the approved roadway, I own it. Some test drives are offers to buy once the drive reaches a certain point. I didn’t buy all of it then and buy less of that line of thinking now. The basic responsibility thinking is still present.
Still I don’t think I (single) could have sex casually with a fertile woman without a fair amount of thoughts/anxieties about a pregnancy. There is no way I want to do the kid thing again and I absolutely wouldn’t want a kid to grow up w/o me being there all of the time.
Back to what I hear as the question, in my words, “what would a single Lou do if a single woman I didn’t know that wel,l asked me for some beer?
My list: Me single. Female not fertile or me getting snipped. R first, for 30 days, then beer. Aroma testing=yes, making out=yes. Medical investigation/review. Maybe some form of compatibility testing or quizzes. Both of us interviewing each of our friends casually. (I know, you are thinking, what a prude)
And yet there is a part of me that wants to give a beer to any deserving, respectable, thirsty female. It is difficult to give up those FOO moral codes.
I have had thoughts of sending my alter ego to some SS female poster’s locations and telling the woman to get out her favorite toy and I would hold her tightly or any way she wanted so she could feel cared for and that someone cared about her feelings.
The women have R’s I don’t want to influence and I have my own R and don’t want to damage it with an A, so all I can send is an imaginary alter ego, or something similar. Maybe someone has a better word for those type of thoughts. Helping w/o screwing anyone’s life up is what I wanted to convey. I haven’t seen it done so don’t know how to do it w/o screwing up something.
Just admitting that sometimes it is difficult for me to read about women who want something similar to what I want and yet at the same time knowing I can’t do it IRL.
Planning or acting on those thoughts? NONE. I think that wall is taller than any ladder I ever thought was legal/moral, so will say those were thoughts w/o plans to carry them out. It is good no one on the forum lives across the street. That would be a real problem.
So MoJo, there are thoughts and there are probable actions.
Your question about what I would do about giving a woman a beer in a STR? I guess I do a lot of listening first. I don’t need or want any more crazy making in my life.
My life actually did pretty much suck because I was bound for 19 years to the first guy who knocked me up……There are decisions and choices to be made both before AND after you have sex with somebody or form a committed relationship
Well, I didn’t like some of the after decisions/results you alluded to, so I reframed from most of the before actions. Me have Low sex drive=no, big brakes=YES. I steamed up a few windows when going out with BB. I can still steam up windows and more.
I often wonder if you were not knocked up first, but dated your H for a longer time, then got M, then in a couple of years got PG, maybe he would have been a better H. a perfect M, not likely but maybe something a little better.
I saw other couples fight (me at 12) about PG’s before M and I knew I didn’t want that excuse for BB or me as something to muddy the waters. M's are difficult enough w/o some comments like, “maybe I wouldn’t have M you if you weren’t PG.”
I think some guys feel trapped, get lazy, and don’t do a good job at being a H. I suspect the prince mentality wouldn’t have changed much. Too bad his parents contributed to his prince traits.
Depression, I saw that in my brother when I lived with him. It susks but was better than all the fighting/angry outbursts my stepfather had going on.
TMI or deflecting, I hope not. Did I answer your question?
