Get me on a smoother ride........Need Advice

[SueS]

Hi all-

The weekend has been good....quieter today though. H got home from his concert on Sat. night & had been drinking....wanted some action. I gave in. H talked & talked & talked. Remember, he'd been drinking. He told me that I'm an attractive, smart woman and that it drives him nuts that I'm not more assertive. He said....I don't know why you don't speak up for yourself more....why you don't let loose a little more....and then he asked me why I was so ashamed of my body. I'm not really ashamed, but I have some surgery scars and I've had a child, so I'm not thrilled with myself. I told him that I'm working on it. He said.....when we lived in CA, for the 1st time in our life together....I saw a confident, sexy woman. He said...not that I didn't love you, but you were different. Then, you changed. He was right and I didn't know what to say. I told him.....I know who the woman is that you knew. I'm trying to get that self confidence back. That's why I've been walking/jogging....losing some weight....am getting my hair colored....new glasses/contactst. We talked about that for a long time. On Sunday, he was complaining that it was talking me so long to get ready. I'll admit that I was a little pokey, but I said....You want me to feel good about myself and be more confident, but you're pushing me to get ready. Let me do what I need to do to feel good about myself when I walk out that door!

Sun. morning our D3 caught us in the act. What an uncomfortable feeling. At least she's not 13.....she'd be horrified and have that image for the rest of her life!! She asked us why we didn't have any clothes on. AAAAHHHH....because mommy & daddy were too warm. We went to the racetrack and had an absolutely great day. We had a great evening too. I think today would have been as good, but it's our 13-yr. anniversary. Although the weekend was filled with a lot of talk about future events, the anniversary kind of threw things down a bit. Yesterday my H actually said....I think I'm having a bit of a MLC. I know that H talked or at least called OW yesterday. I just kept telling myself.....he was with you and D3 and you had a spectacular day. It will bother me though if I find out that he talks to OW today. OOOHHHH....about a month & 1/2 ago, I used H's car. I saw a matchbook in it that had a phone number in it....woman's hand writing. H shocked me by asking why I'd never said anything about it. He said...I was waiting for you to get mad. I said.....well, you'd been out until 4:00 am, you wouldn't tell me where you were, who you were with or what you were doing. You got mad each time I pushed. You were already cold to me, so I was afraid to push you even further away. I'll be damned if he didn't tell me that it would have turned him on if I'd gotten mad. I was tempted, but did not bring up finding OW's phone number on our bill. We talked about a few things and I was able to figure out what he felt was snooping or just....stumbling across something, as I'd done with the matchbook. And by the way, I threw out the matchbook!

H is now out washing his car & getting to the store before his favorite baseball team comes on. Hopefully not talking to OW, although he's had his phone attached to his hip today. Goodness forbid he takes it out of his pocket.

Well, I better run before he gets back. See you all tomorrow.

SueS