Yeah Im lucky..H came back. I sooo thought there was no hope with D in progress. but I didnt change what I was doing.
i was in the process of growing-changing. He came back sort of when I was not finished, so I hope I can finish with him what I was going thru.
I was so destroyed in the begininig much like you Mrs H. It took along time to get past the things my H was doing. I got very angry after that using the anger to move on....uhmmmm doesnt work that way. I let go of the anger and was sad but starting to GAL.
The next step was to be comfortable with who I was with the changes. But I was very sad with the D. So with H home I am working on being who I want to be with in the M. Add that to the myriad of feelings im going thru...maybe H is the stable one now...yikes!
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Virginia, Lissie, and Cinders, Angelica, thank you so much!
I was thinking as I was going to bed last night about what is being said to me here. I think after a year of this I finally get it.
But you know what? So what it took me a year. This is my journey and it will take me as long as I need it too.
I realize that people can tell you to 'let go' but until you are really ready, you won't be able to do that. It's not something you can force.
I was also thinking last night about Virginia's words and finally realized what other people have been telling me. I HAVE gotten a lot stronger this past year.
I no longer let every word my H says to me affect me. I don't take it literally anymore. I don't cry over his nasty words. Even when he told me last week that I was always ugly, lazy and fat I didn't cry. It just made me realize what a sick man he really is.
Last night I was able to look into the mirror and actually like what I saw.
I don't know if he could do the same, but you know what? Who cares? That's his problem, not mine.
I am now starting to focus on life without my H. I am going to make plans without him included in them. If our paths ever decide to cross again and we both want to be together again, so be it. But if we don't, so be it too.
I am hoping that the courts will let me move down by my parents in NJ. I really like it down here. S6 does too. He asked me yesterday, "mom, can we move down here, I really like it". I said to him "maybe we can one day honey. You won't be as close by to your Daddy but you will still be able to see him a lot. We will also miss our old friends but we can make lot of new ones".
S6 said "yeah, I already made tons already". I had taken them to the park and they both had tons of fun with the other little boys there.
I am ready to move on, but like Snodderly tells me all the time, I don't need to slam the door on my H, I will just keep it slightly ajar.
Patti, I think that is wonderful that you can recognize that you aren't done growing since your H came back. That is so wonderful because you won't stop working on yourself just because he is back.
IMP, with all do respect, what I had gotten out of Angelica's thread (and this might just be me personally) is that she was telling me that our journey's can not be rushed along. The timelines will happen in our own time.
Yes, we can be guided by the wonderful posters here but not forced. Posters have been telling me for a year to let go, but until I was actually ready, I couldn't. It wouldn't of been real.
I take what I want out of posts and like Virginia basically said to me, I am now at the point in this journey where I am taking new point of views from the posts. I could not be rushed there, I got there in my own time with the guidance of everyone here.
Mrs. H, Bravo! You have grown and gotten stronger over the last 12 months and you know what? You are a success no matter whether your h returns or not. You've had a number of hard knocks, but you survived and that's what counts.
As you move along your path of self discovery and the game called life, you'll discover that doors will open more quickly for you and you will begin to see life a bit differently now that you are taking the focus off your h.
I am praying that the judicial system will allow you to move to be closer to your family. I don't see why they wouldn't just as long as you insure that h gets to see his children on a set schedule.
Take some time to stop and smell the daisies along the way. You've earned a bit of rest and yes, tomorrow is another day. I do hope that everything turns out well for you and your little boys. Enjoy the rest of the holiday!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I take what I want out of posts and like Virginia basically said to me, I am now at the point in this journey where I am taking new point of views from the posts.
You hit it. What if no one ever gave you that new point of view? That's why I still come here.
IMP, I think it's good that you still come here. Just don't expect the newbies to always listen to what you have to say. They will in their own time, but if they are anything like I was, all I cared to here about in the beginning was the statistics of how many come home, the ow is a bandaid, they aren't happy without us, etc. I am sure you may have been the same way when you started here.
IMP I adore you, you are like a terrier with a bone!!
I used to believe what you say - and the person walking off a cliff is a wonderful analogy!!
Sad thing I have learned is that we long to save people from themselves and impart our lessons to them. I really admire you for continuing to try, and you do it from the best possible motives.
You may be right, but my experience has shown me otherwise! 'I did it my way' is a deservedly popular song.
Of course we share our experiences, and of course we want to reach out . . . .
I think we may have to agree to differ on this one [ particularly as I want you to be right!!!
Please do not think that because I disagree with you I don't respect what you say, and consider if carefully. I am not preaching, I hope, a gospel of despair. It would be MUCH better if we could learn effectively and quickly from others' experience.
I am sure you may have been the same way when you started here.
Yes. I was a mess. I will never deny that. But I also see how being a mess hurt reconciliation chances. I see how being a mess kept me from being farther along in my life. And most of my long-time friend recant the same things.
Quote:
You will be there for them when they are ready.
Of course, I will be. But I have to set the stage for that. One of the most satisfying things that people say to me is this. Thank you for saying what you did even though I wasn't ready to listen to it then.
And here's a book for you (not just you MrsH). Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. This may give you insight into some of my ideas. Do a google.
I had taken them to the park and they both had tons of fun with the other little boys there.
I think it's good that you still come here. Just don't expect the newbies to always listen to what you have to say. They will in their own time, but if they are anything like I was, all I cared to here about in the beginning was the statistics of how many come home, the ow is a bandaid, they aren't happy without us, etc. I am sure you may have been the same way when you started here.