My pleasure Choc. Anyone that has gone through what you have been through deserves all the help (which I consider a privilege to extend what little help I can contribute) you or anyone might need.
Choc, your M and all of the associated behaviors for me, is a first hand look in how things get off track. How things travel down the track with a few wheels off the rails, and a very good example of how and what it takes to get those wheels back on the tracks.
I saved the above post to show it to BB. I was hoping the story of your M was an example BB could look at and see some possible similarities to our M and maybe see some common threads.
Like in your M, BB was much closer to our daughter than our son. BB wants a sharp looking car but I saw all of the new cars I ever want to see when I worked for the Chrysler/Toyota dealership for 10 years. Almost all of those cars are in the junk pile and all lose a lot of value. Status symbols are almost repulsive to me. BB also has some body image issues.
BB talks a lot about men are pigs but I suspect if she were in a situation like Mrs. Choc, BB would fall head-over-heals for a smooth talker that paid a lot of attention to her. I wasn’t a smooth talker but I had a lot of free time when we dated and she liked that part of our R. Look where it got me then.
I also printed out your story to show BB (and my self) sometimes it takes some tough moves to change a R.
Several years ago I saw D as the final act of giving up. Now, more and more I see writing up a D and handing it to someone as sometimes the next to last resort to save a M or save one's self. Executing a D is "Not" what one should do but sometimes what one has to do to forge through the next step.
I see instances in your story where I might have done more comforting behaviors and also see what I might have done would have caused the R to go back into limbo. I am glad to see, hanging tough isn't being selfish and often it is the only way to save a R or yourself.
Over your entire story has been an inspiration worthy of passing on and saving to my keeper file.
Also, to NOP and anyone that helped you during these trying times, I say many thanks.
