Here's another assumption on my part. When I don't agree with you or give you repeated reason for why I want to see changes in my wife rather than work on myself, am I coming across to you as your ex? From what I recall of your posts regarding him, I think he did a lot of that, didn't he? I suspect that felt to you like he was hogging the center of the universe chair, that he had no respect for you. I can see how my responses could have triggered similar feelings.
But just to clarify, I am not seeking validation, nor am I avoiding invalidation. (Pursuing pleasure/avoiding pain).
I know.
but for you to assume that I am upping my posts to get my validation 'fix' is off, and actually contradicts exactly what I've been talking about.
I agree, which is what I stated earlier. I too was wondering about this contradiction.
I don't know why I care so much. I just do.
IMO there is a VERY fine line between pure empathy and unconsciously re=experiencing past hurts.
And now that I am aware of it, I need to keep it even higher in my awareness... understand that I REALLY need to slow down when I start getting more concerned about outcomes.
I think this is good. But one of my questions still remains... why would your posting increase so much because you care? Nothing wrong that it should, but maybe an issue if it always does. Just because you care so much doesn't mean you should or need to up the involvement so much. When do you unknowingly cross that fine line and begin tackle past hurts?
You mentioned NOP. I see his posts to people and when he is making a connection on the board, I assume it is also because he cares (he has said so himself). But I do not see the frequency of his posts rise too much. He might make make 5 or 10 posts a day. Ten would be very high for him, and they are usually brief. He cares, you care. Is there something else beneath the two that could explain some of the difference and maybe help to answer your question of why you care so much?
Mojo,
If you think my "giddyness" comments were to try to get Corri to act like a man, then you completely missed the intent of my post. I had no intention of trying to get a woman to act like a man. One on the people I had in mind in whom I also saw the type of "giddyness" I was trying to describe was a man.
