What happens when we want to be the WAS? HELP!!!

[LisaLost]

Thanks,

I'll probably post more later- try to journal-get back on the GAL train.

I just can't keep doing it

He is still lying

Lisa

[Cinderellaman]

Hi sweety, been thinking about you these past few weeks - didn't see you post, glad to have you back, although I had wished you'd have better news !

I have to agree with Althea, there is nothing you can do, HE has to do this himself ! I wish you strength and courage through all of this !!!

May God be with you sweety !!!

[Was2sad]

Lisa,

Fixing the damage he has created over the whole time will take a huge amount of grit and strength. He sounds like he has continued to be very week. Too weak to cut it all off with OW. Too weak to be honest about that with you, or even himself.

I would say that kicking him out is a bandaid. The thing you both need is for him to learn that the pain of being honest is much less than the pain of being caught lying. He must learn this in order to have any kind of R with you, in or out of the house. Maybe your actions will help him understand this. But if that is what you want in the end, you will need to be willing to discuss it with him in a non-threatening way.

Repeating to him how much the lying has hurt, needs to be balanced. If he does open up to you with what would otherwise be a painful piece of news, can you see yourself telling him how much more it would have hurt to learn the hard way ... and thank him for his honetsy? I doubt that he would ever have seen that one coming. But it could encourage him to repeat the practice.

What I see on these threads is that reconcilliation is this hard, and does take a long time. If it took him months or years to screw it all up, he can't fix it in weeks.

My prayers are for your peace of mind and restoration of your calm and happiness. Hang in there. Give all this some time to settle and see how you feel then.

[ACJ]

Lisa I'm sorry you find yourself back on the shitty part of this rollercoaster. I agree with those who say he needs to be treated like an addict and that only he can help himself. One thing I would urge is that you try (both of you) not to get into the slanging matches that were occuring before his most recent return that can only cause more damage (but I know it is easier said than done). You do all the trying different approaches and the changing for the better now it has to be Bs turn.

[mda1229]

Hey Lisa,


I have not been here in sometime but was catching up on your sitch...

I am so sorry you are still on the rollercoaster,,.

I don't have much else to add..

Hang in there girl ((((((((((((((((((LISA))))))))))))))))))

[LisaLost]

I know I haven't posted everything here lately. I feel so bad for not keeping up,I just feel so lost and don't have much to add to anyone else right now , It usually helps me feel better . right now I am sooo lost- i truly don't love him anymore- i think i am too hurt. i let him come home but i hate when he is around, i just can't stand him anymore. I want out, i hate this sooo much that i feel like this

[Lissie]

(sigh)

This seems to be such a familiar tune, when people are working their marriages out.

I am sorry you feel this way mamma.

I don't know what to tell you.

I hope you have a therapist of some sort to talk to, just for you.

HUGS

and kiss those babies.

[LisaLost]

Yes,I do have therapy- Thanks so much for your support. the T just doens't seem to "get" me now and I don't know if I do either. I got my marriage back and now I want out. I missed him but I think I was truly happier on my own. T thinks I am doing this to hurt my H like he hurt me. Maybe deep down I am but I truly am confused and really not happy being with him.

Thanks,
Love,Lisa

[MnSPD]

Lisa,

Get in touch with me phone, e-mail what ever. Let's talk about this, get back to basics and see where it goes.

Steve

[Lissie]

T thinks I am doing this to hurt my H like he hurt me. Maybe deep down I am but I truly am confused and really not happy being with him.

HUH?

Your T thinks you are doing this to hurt your H?

I don't buy that for a minute.
YOu are a smart woman, that is rasing 5 kids, you don't have anything better to do than hurt your H?

gimme a break, what are you 12?

Hmmmmm

Maybe a new T is in order.

I think what you are feelig is normal(sure I'll be your T )

anyway, I think this happens alot when people start the piecing.

I think that piecing is when you have seen how much you have grown.

Piecing shows you, just how far you have come.

Piecing might be showing you, that you have grown past this man..

You can continue to keep growing, and pray that with the right help and T, that your H can catch up to you.

Please be good to yourself ok.