Now I've done it

[nephartiti]

I can relate to that. We had 4 uncrazy years. Then we have our baby. I struggle with Post partum depression. He has EA, maybe more. I go crazy. Now I have been labeled eternally crazy as if it is me and not the circumstances. My being "crazy" has allowed him to put all the blame and responsibility on me to justify his staying out for days on end, not coming home when he says he is on his way, moving out, buying a new cell phone to talk to OW and not seeing his kids more than once in over 2 weeks.

Sorry, I know I have behaved badly on several occasions, but his behavior is pretty darn crazy too! Sometimes I get so frustrated. He throws things I've done in my face and I say, "Yes, I realize that was inappropriate. I take responsibility for my part in this. I am sorry." Does he reciprocate? Hell no. He says, "I'm glad you realize that. I just don't feel safe around you. You might provoke me again. You put me in jail." Blah, blah, blah. "I'll meet you to see the kids but there better be people and cameras around". Excuse me. He's the one who put his fist in my face. After three weeks I still have a bumb and a scar on my lip.

So, yeah. Crazy is not good. It just makes us look bad and makes things worse. The sooner you can get that under control the better. Doesn't mean you won't still feel crazy and out of control. You just can't let him see or know it.

Remember who you really are, because that is the person he fell in love with and probably still loves. That is what we have to remember. Ours spouses married us of their own free will because they were in love with us. We are still those people. We just forget to act like it. We have to remind them by demonstrating we are bigger and stronger than our situations. Easier said than done, but completely necessary.