vacation is over, I am leaving

[limbo]

Thanks..Dis, Sara, Heim!

Sometimes I need to just have someone give me a shake from time to time!
I will hang in there, believe me!
H has asked me a few times today if I hate him, I always say no, because I don't!
I am just very overwhelmed, like I said to h the other day if we didn't have bad luck we wouldn't have any luck!!
My Mum said to me yesterday that I have changed, and i am losing my light, she is very worried, but I just feel so beaten down, and I think this is the problem.

[Sara]

OK. I'm sure you do feel beaten down. I felt that way too before Retrouvaille. I felt like everyone's servant. It was a point I was able to make in my writing. And my husband has made an effort to be helpful ever since.

What's amazing about Retrouvaille is you don't fight about anything there. You just write about what is important to you. When your H knows what's important to you, then he knows how he needs to change to improve things. And vice versa. All done without an argument! It is magic.

So hold off on the arguments. You can always do it after. Just get there, and walk in the door with open minds and willing hearts. The rest will take care of itself.

And if not, come back here and complain to me. I will listen.

[limbo]

I know you will Sara!! I thank god for you all! You are my rocks!! and my life lines!!
No one really know what we are doing and why, and its gotten to the point that I don't tell anyone what is going on because they just don't understand!
So its nice to have some place to go!

[limbo]

I just have really lost it, I had a huge blow out with my D where i got physical with her, threw stuff around...I didn't hit her, but I grabber her!
I am really losing it! I just can't keep it together, I email H and said I think its best that I leave, I am not good for the kids!

[thegoodfight]

Yes, at least you are rational enough to realize there is a problem, ask any parents or trusted friends to help out with D. And get yourself right! Sounds to me like something is working very hard against you as you get closer to healing with your Husband. Funny how that works! Take care of yourself, take a walk get your mind off it.

[limbo]

Thanks....we have tried everything with d! next will be c....I think fear is working against me, fear he is at it again, fear he will hurt me...fear,fear,fear!!

[Lord Grenville]

Hi Limbo,

I know how hard it is to not let fear control your thoughts.

Try your best to keep your focus on the present moment, where you can breathe slowly and deeply and know that you can learn to calm yourself. Do not allow yourself to think too much of the future, especially regarding circumstances that may be outside your control.

As you create inner peace, you can radiate more positive energy, and keep a more positive mental attitude that will be noticed by your H and family and others.

I am partly writing these words to remind myself of the same things I am struggling with. Hang in as best as you can.

LG

[Sara]

Limbo,

She is at that age. Depending on her will and temperment, the next 5 years could be hell. That has nothing to do with whether or not you are a good parent. I take it back, if you were a bad parent you wouldn't even be fighting with her, you would just let her go and do all the stupid things that she wants to do.

Don't blame yourself. Don't leave your family. She needs you to fight with her. I threw plates at my son. Ruined a nice set of china. It didn't change him, but he knew I tried. He knew I cared. If you don't show you care they will push harder.

Let me tell you. A lot of kids die between the ages of 15 and 25 because of the stupid, self-destructive things they do. Don't get angry at yourself for trying to prevent your daughter from going in the wrong direction. She needs you to do that.

[limbo]

Thank you all....I think i have had a bit of a break down today...everything has just gotten on top of me
I feel like I have been fighting to keep my head above water for so long, and the strength to keep doing it has just gone!
Sometimes it feels like you keep getting kicked from all directions and now I just want to curl up in the fetal position!

[limbo]

I really did have a true melt down yesterday...Which started with D15 and made worse by my Mum calling...she thinks she is helping, but really I just feel like she is picking at an open sore, and it will never heal, I know she is trying to help, tells me its not my fault, but then launchs in on how its all H fault, and he has to take responsibility, and for some reason it just makes me feel worse, I don't know if its because its making me face it, or just because he is still my H and I am protective of him.
H called me wanting to know what happened, and I told him, and I was blubbering like an idiot...at this point I don't really care what it did to him.
He was trying to be supportive on the phone, telling that I shouldn't talk to my Mum so much, but thats hard because she is on her own.
Last night when we went to bed, he got in and laid right up close, and wanted to cuddle alot, and then again this morning cuddled, I know he is trying, and I appreciate that.
But last night I was thinking that maybe my problem is that I have just been hurt to much, and I just can't get past that.
We are still on for the retro weekend, and I still plan to go with an open mind and see what happens.