Well, it's been a whirlwind. Back from San Jose. Had a good time.
H and I "talked" last night. I say "talked" because it ended up being a TM conversation since he didn't want to talk in person. He asked if talking could wait, I said sure, but I was ready to file and move on. He said he understood if there was someone else that he hadn't given me much hope. He said that he obviously still had feelings or else he would have moved on by now. He also said that he wants to do therapy- this time together.
WTF!!!!!!!!!!! I freakin hate this 11th hour save sh!t. I have a whole email ready. About how I wanted therapy together 2 years ago, how he's an 11th hour doer, how he hasn't given me hope or a reason to stay and keep fighting. How I am tired of being a yo-yo. How I've begged for hope and reasons to stay and never get one. How I don't think I can keep doing this. How there has never been anyone else and how I can't even picture myself with anyone else, but after so long I can't picture us together either. How he says he's trying to figure out how to be with me- meanwhile he's figuring and I'm moving on. How apparently we're not worth taking a risk. I also said that I didn't know what was keeping him from me, but I couldn't do anything about that. That was his to deal with. I have no control over him, and I was done trying to be a part of his life.
No, I didn't send it......yet.
I'm going to wait for now. I"ll go this whole week and not talk to him. Although that won't matter since he won't talk to me- he will retreat into his own head and stay there.
