"But don't confuse them with your standards... or as my C pointed out... don't insult your partner by not believing they are capable of better."
Words to live by right there.
Glad you see the value in that, HS. I used the term "standards" to avoid using the same word but I think it just comes down to the different ways "expectations" are actually used/practiced. See, my C had pointed out some time back that it's not bad to have "expectations"... he said you are complimenting them by expecting more from them because you are saying that you think they are capable of better. I had trapped myself with many of my efforts to let go of what I couldn't control.
Discussing this reminds me to take care to treat my H in a way that lets him know I think he's capable of more. I think my focus stayed more on myself, and what I expect from my friends.... my own boundaries. It's a tough balance to find. I'm so glad this came up, because that is something I can work on more. I could very well be guilty of making him feel as though I don't expect any better from him... because, quite frankly, I wasn't. I remember telling him I wasn't surprised, as I told him I didn't take it personally. And I told him it was sad he didn't respect himself more... which may not be a bad thing. I thought I had done good since I wasn't throwing it in his face or being critical about it, but I didn't hit the target on that one. It was a big improvement, but not different enough. I think I was still telling him I don't expect him to be able to tell the truth... I was just a lot nicer and much more subtle about it. Good stuff. Thanks!
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
