Yeah, the sex thing has really gotten to me. But - sex has always been an issue in our M. It was never good. Neither of us have physical problems, and are both very capable of having sex with others, but ever since we have gotten married he has struggled with having sex with me. I am convinced that it's an issue he has with intimacy and opening up. I must admit that I have not provided an atmosphere in which he has felt comfortable to open up to me about anything. It's not that I would intentionally shut him out, but we have two different communication styles and, according to him, he has not felt "safe" to discuss how he feels about anything. And of course OW has no problem with making him feel comfortable. I knew from the day we were married that we would struggle with the "sex thing" and could kick myself for not seeking help early on. Our sex life was really good prior to marriage and then once we got married it dissolved to nothing. I think for him it's easier to claim allegiance to OW then to discuss our sex issues...it's *only* been 19 months since he's touched me in a sexual manner - I guess I can wait a few more months...ugh...
"I know school starts this week in NJ. I hope he finds a decent solution to his problem with that in time. I can't believe he has buried his head in the sand so much on that issue. Surely the school would rather move teachers around than have someone quit the first day of school."
Right now he has a doctor's appointment scheduled for Tuesday, which is also the first day that teachers are expected back. Originally he said that he just wasn't going to go in and he wasn't going to call. He was just going to be a no-show. Then after I said wow you're going to loose your license if you do that, he said I guess I'll call and let Mr. Principal know I won't be in. I let it go at that for awhile and then on Thursday night he said that he was planning on leaving teaching altogether as he has wrecked his life and isn't fit to teach. I said he hasn't wrecked his life and that he really is an amazing teacher and kids in general will be missing out by not having him. I also said that he has the potential to make some really great decisions right now and think about how great it would be if you turned this situation around - what a great example he could be to the kids. He didn't say too much after that. On Saturday we spoke again about his job and he said that he didn't really think he could do anything else with his life but teach - nothing else would bring him fulfillment. I agreed and said that he is a great teacher. He then said that he really wants me to be happy. So I told him that what would make me happy would be him handling his teaching career in a responsible adult manner. He said he could do that and he would speak with Mr. Principal on Tuesday.
So, I'm left thinking 1 of 2 things. The eternal pessimist in me thinks that I just handed my H permission to continue contact with OW and throw himself back into the fog of infidelity. The rarely scene optomist in me thinks that he will go to work on Tuesday and hand in his 60 days notice.
I want to believe option 2, I just don't think he's capable of quitting.
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
