Thanks for your clarification about the attorney. Will do.
You are so right about two sides.
At first I exclusively blamed myself for the problems, and still do for a majority of the reasons why we are where we are now. I've come to see it as more complex, that the problems were due in part to the way WAW and I interacted. Our core issues reinforced the worst aspects of one another, though I still am primarily the "cause" of the mess. I agree with Michele's point about interaction being at the core of many problems, and that when one approach doesn't work for a H or W they need to learn a different one. The key thing is that they have to be learned, because the vast majority of us are on autopilot from our earlier experiences in life.
Ever read Terrence Real's How Can I Get Through to You? I'm almost done with it and so much of it rings so true. I'd recommend it to anyone on these boards, especially us newbies, whether we are D or not. Real strikes me as offering a lot of insight into male/female pscyhes and socialization patterns, and how these patterns set so many of us up for failures in marriage. Both men and women, he says, must learn new sets of skills to make marriage work, because the years of socialization, at least for most of us, don't prepare us for a deep, satisfying relationship. He puts most of the onus on men and the way we are socialized into our families and society. Women have their issue to work on too, but mostly they are playing off our shortcomings. He writes, "We are in the relationship mix we grew up in, until we do the hard work of transforming." I know that applies to me, and I suspect to a lot of people. It's a great book!
