Out of the Abyss...

[ediemarie]

I just started this thread here. I was posting in infidelity. I don't know if we are out of the abyss of infidelity or not, but I will act as if we are. My H is showing signs of coming around and at times I am convinced that he is 100% here. Of course there are other times when I look at him and think, "Who are you?"

A link to my last thread:
Trudging Up Hill

Last week was difficult. A lot of emotion flying around. My H and I have had several R talks in the last few days. This is what I have heard my H say in the last 3 days:

- He regrets having an A as does OW, it wasn't fun for anyone (what?!!)
- He likes me, not just loves me, but likes who I am as a person
- He cannot have a physical relationship with me right now because of his strong feelings for OW (it would be like cheating on her)
- He is carrying around a lot of anger that he hopes to be resolved at Retrouvaille (which we are attending 9/14)
- He doesn't know if we will "make it" (for the long haul) because he doesn't know if he can really commit to me
- He feels like a failure in terms of his relationship with God, his marriage, and his profession as a teacher
- He doesn't think he's able to fix any of this
- He has ended his R with OW
- He plans on just not showing up to work on day one of school, rather than call or tell his supervisor that he can't go back to work - after some more discussion he said that he would try to resolve this situation like an adult and provide the required 60 days notice to quit
- We should move out of state and start all over again (I would do this and I agree)
- He believes the basis of the problems in our marriage is communication and I have to do more work in that arena than he does - he's hoping that Retrouvaille will provide a miracle for me in that regard (HA!)
- He feels like he's too weak to be married as he didn't have the strength to discuss how he felt in our marriage, instead he had an affair - he should have spoken to me about his feelings

I, of course, have mixed emotions on what he has told me in regard to our R. I feel like he is making an effort - maybe not at the level I would like - but he is making an effort and I need to remember that.

I find some things he says to be absolutely absurd, but I just listen and nod and affirm away. He is right in that I have to learn how to communicate better, but I think it's equal for both of us. I would love to say that he has more work to do than I do, but in reality, I think that we both have different styles. I do wonder if communication is the key to our happiness and stability. Fingers crossed it is because that seems pretty easy to fix...