Recipe for a Perfect Marriage

[MJontheMend]

I was doing some clutter control this morning and came across my first grade report card. Here is what my teacher wrote (Note: I had severe asthma for which I had to be hospitalized frequently as a child):

FALL: Even with Jenny's many illnesses, she still continues to do well. If I could just find a way to build a fire under her that would speed her along- then we would be all set! Kidding aside, Jenny could use her classroom time for more work and less dreaming. Maybe it takes reminding, if so, she gets it every day.
SPRING: What a girl! Jenny has been absent so much and yet she has succeeded so well. I have no problems that I am concerned about and I just wish I could have her again. Dad, get her that sketchpad and paints! She deserves it!

I think this would be an interesting exercise for anyone to do. It's pretty clear what aspects of my personality are immutable.

1) It is a laughing matter to consider it necessary to light a fire under me.

2) I am an absent-minded, day dreamer, especially when the alternative is something like first grade course work.

3) I am capable of functioning at a high level despite these faults.

4) I want to be rewarded for good behavior with things/experiences that are like a brand new sketchpad and box of paints.


The problem is Daddy is dead and although my 2bx would on occasion write me notes that said "IOU 10 years of fun." he never followed through on those kind of promises. I also had the breakthrough notion that maybe the reason why my bunny frequently seems so sad and weak to me is that she is a little girl alone in an oxygen tent gasping for air. It also occurred to me that Daddy would buy me lots of fun toys when I was in the hospital, stuck in a little cage with needles in my arm unable to climb trees or dig to China in the sandbox or try to make an explosion with my chemistry set or suggest to my sisters "Let's put on a show!".

Other notes:

1) Interesting how my first grade teacher seemed to "get" that my father was the primary parent to address.

2)Clearly my 2bx felt compelled to take on the job of being my "reminder" but he did it in a mean or at least nonconstructive way. OTOH my high functioning Type 9 D16 called me to pick her up from a sleepover yesterday morning. I,of course, drove on auto-pilot to the house of her friend she most frequently visits rather then the girl she was actually visiting. When I arrived a bit late to pick her up and explained, my D said "Yeah, I knew you would do that." and laughed and then said "Mom, Mom, Mom" shaking her head and gave me a pat.

3) I so f*cking deserve that sketchpad and paints but I guess I'm going to have to get them for myself. Maybe I can figure out a way to get them that isn't - Sketchpad and Paints = Hot Monkey Sex with Semi-famous Artist.

4) Probably people can't "change" but what they can do is "mature" and what that entails is stuff like being your own "reminder" and buying your own "sketchpad and paints" instead of relying on Teacher and Daddy.