You said this in regards to money and your families worries about finances. My financial situation is one in which I have to pay attention to every dollar. Nothing wrong with that. Now what you are really afraid of is that if you take action, you would push her to divorce you, or worse that your only recourse would be to file for divorce to protect your assets. And my guess is that you have equity in the home in which your wife is living.
Bruce, without going to deeply into your proposals, it all comes down to risk. What do you want to risk? That is what will determine your choice. But I am going to warn you about case 2, you will talk to her. Her spending has the feel (to me) of a f*** you. I am spending this money and I really don't give a s**t what you think. If you bring up the subject, be ready for the worst.
Also, irrelevant factors: * Her family's wealth. This is about you. * Duplicate expenses. If course, you live in different places. What does this cost you? As I see it, she pays nothing for the duplication. * Opening of bank statement by wife. It does make sense that she has an idea of the finances. She never had to do it before. Even if she is checking on, so what. * "I've read all about MLC and see how this shopping bender fits the pattern and masks a deep hurt she feels. I really do feel sorry for her in some ways, and guilt over my role in creating problems in the marriage." Or not. It is pure speculation on your part. And if she is like this, it doesn't change your need to protect yourself financially.
One more thought. If you decide not to confront her and she is hellbent on spending all your fund perhaps cutting into your non-liquid equity, then you need to go out and have some fun too. At least you will get something out of it. Or you could be so kind to join me in a visit to Amsterdamn...your treat!
Again, Bruce, this is really about what you want and what you are willing to risk. You have to put the fear of reprisal behind you. I am not an expert. I don't know what her reaction may be to a strong position on your part. But, in the long run, showing weakness (or as you put it being a doormat) isn't going to lead to a successful marriage.
Finally, you said/asked:
Quote:
If we end up D, does anyone know if I have a "right" in court to seek money from her for her spending habits that benefited only her during the separation? Could I take credit card statements from this period to court and ask her to compensate me for her spending of our "joint" resources? Given her act of selling stock but saying she was willing to do so for both of us, would she have any right to demand that I put it back if I took half of what's left unilaterally?
Talk to an attorney.
Bruce, just trying to help you cut through the factors to be considered.
