Before I left work yesturday I Im H to ask if he was able to fix the washer and he wasnt able to and said sorry. I thanked him for trying.
I made a comment like regarding his comment of him servicing me and for me not to get use to it.I asked if that meant he wanted me to take my "freindship" to the next level w/ Jared. Oh boy! Talk about opening up a can of worms- out came all sorts of questions! First it was- I dont mind as longs as you dont do it in my house. By then I had to get off work and pick up the girls so I was TRYING to say goodbye. M- I need to go my mom is waiting for me. H- no wait! your no leaving me yet! I guess this means your its serious now. M- I really need to go. H- why is your mom waiting are u going to the game? Is she watching the kids for you? M-<at this time someone came in to my office> long pause H- hellooooooooooo M- no H- whatever M- bye and I signed off
Later that evening I could swear I saw H on his motorcycle drive back out of our cuddlesack? But who knows it could of been anyone in the same color bike.
Chicki That was tough to follow, what really hapened? He wanted what or you ptd out what?
Sorry, a little dense but interested!
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Ok guys here comes a long post! Sit back and enjoy the DRAMA scene and get some popcorn!
Friday night H was coming over to pick up the girls for the weekend. H calls he is on his way,but strts to talk R talk.
H- if I am coming back home theres gotta be some changes. I will not be able to live w/ if I dont call u back when I dont answer the phone right away that u queston my every move. Sometimes I dont hear the phnoe & thats wehn everyone, my dad, my sis calls. M- ok I got that,but tell me who here has the most work to do to earn trust? H- I do. M- right that means no u dont have to anwer the phone right away each time,but it doesnt mean u cant call me back at all. Also, it would be nice when I dont have to call & u just check in once in a while w/ me.Plus that isnt my biggest concern right now. Am I the only one who needs to make changes? H- I need to too. M- right. Marriage is a two way street. H- what is that? M- it takes the both of us to make this work and we both have to really try hard. H- ok but u have to stop talking to your Bf(imaginary) M-ok, but let me tell u something. My feelings for you r slowly dying. As time goes by I am liking being single, having the house to myself and the peace thats here.You know the saying absence makes the heart grow fonder? Well, not in my case its the opposite. The longer I dont see you the more my feeligns fade. In away something good came out of this. I have grown in so many ways. Not only for my next R, but for my children and for my mother...It scares me to see my feelings for you start to fade. (H-I know!) I am really for the most part at peace you know. H- ok well I will talk to you some more at home see you later!
As soon as H came in my room he took my purse and started going thru it! M- what r u doing? H- this is what u use to do go thru my things M- what r u looking for? H- i dont know anyting u wont tell me anything Then later he sat down on my bed & I expressed how happy I was to finally go dancing tonight (mind u I told him my plans yesturday via email). H- What? How long have u been planning this? Is he going? M- I told u yesturday. A group from work is going. H- is he going? M- I looked at him and changed the subject. H- ok fine u better not be bringignhim back her to my houe and in my bed! He then took my nw comforter and sid he was throwing it out(in the rain). All the while in front of the girls and they r saying no daddy no! So he stopped.
He threw it back on the bed and then proceded to go to the kitchen where he took the water hose & aimed it w/ water to my bed. Everything got wet. I got up closed the door. after I went to the livign room where he proceded to shoot more water at me. Shouting I am not going to babysit while u go out w/ him, you whore. I said *I* am the whore???? You r livign s husband and wife w/ soemone else.Go just leave back your wife. H- NO! she isnt! <shaking his head no, no back & forth> M- I am not waiting anylonger for you,C.
Before he left and after the girls were in his truck he took the soda liter and poured it all over the kitchen floor. Here dont u have to clean before h comes over. I was in awe or something. I maintained my cool in all of this. I had forgotten how angry he can get.
As I was closing the garage door , he came back grabed me amd wanted a kiss!!! I turned my head and said no. He still gave me a kiss.
About an hour later I recieve a text from him saying hes sorry for tonight and for me to have a nice weekend. I did not reply.
The next morning (Sat). he calls and I answered(wasnt going to but I a was curious). H- Are u you ok? M-yes H- I want to apologize for last night. M-I had forgotten how you can get. H- I dont do that anymore. I was just really mad.I guess I was being selfish. And I know your right I really cant say anyting myself.But you are still my wife. M-this reminds me a a spanish saying.<it may not sound the same in English> You are like a dog that doesnt want to eat his food but wont let other dogs eat it also.HA HA HA. (me trying to change the tone) H- i know i am dog Then I made it a point that I am looking toward the future and making plans w/out him. I told him the holidays were comign up soon & we had to talk about how we r going to divide the girls up. This will also be my first time cooking a turkey by myself. (h always cooked it).H- lets not talk about that righ tnow things may change... H- waht r u doing today? M- what did I say I was gonna do? H- your gognto Orlando/ M-yes M- i thought you werent going?<UGH! he has a hard time listening here lately) NO! I said I didnt want to go driving for two hours but my mom wants me to go. H- oh well I might take the girls back to the house and hang aout all day.R u getting back late really late? M- yes. H- ok well have a nice trip!
Well I am back from taking my grandfather to the Orlando airport & I hope today is a peaceful ecexperince w/ H. I hope you all r having a wonderful weekend! Sorry so long!
Chicki You know what my first reaction to this was? What an immature idiot! He needs some serious counseling.
C
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
yes, cva I agree &that is why if we do get back together I will insist that he get individual counseling. The marriage counseling can come AFTER he gets help to deal w/ his issues.
I'm good! Not much to report really. No S*x though, rats!
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
As soon as H came in my room he took my purse and started going thru it! M- what r u doing? H- this is what u use to do go thru my things M- what r u looking for? H- i dont know anyting u wont tell me anything Then later he sat down on my bed & I expressed how happy I was to finally go dancing tonight (mind u I told him my plans yesturday via email). H- What? How long have u been planning this? Is he going? M- I told u yesturday. A group from work is going. H- is he going? M- I looked at him and changed the subject. H- ok fine u better not be bringignhim back her to my houe and in my bed! He then took my nw comforter and sid he was throwing it out(in the rain). All the while in front of the girls and they r saying no daddy no! So he stopped.
He threw it back on the bed and then proceded to go to the kitchen where he took the water hose & aimed it w/ water to my bed. Everything got wet. I got up closed the door. after I went to the livign room where he proceded to shoot more water at me. Shouting I am not going to babysit while u go out w/ him, you whore. I said *I* am the whore???? You r livign s husband and wife w/ soemone else.Go just leave back your wife. H- NO! she isnt! <shaking his head no, no back & forth> M- I am not waiting anylonger for you,C.
Chicki,
I haven't posted to you in awhile, but I have to be honest and say that I don't think either of you have done any real growing. You are playing mind games with H, and he is still getting angry and losing his temper and control of himself. Your R has not changed at all IMHO. Do you really want you H back as he continues to act this way? Do you think getting H back via making him jealous on purpose is going to make your R healthy in the future? He will continue being a snoop, spying on you all of the time, and you will be sitting there wondering why and chastizing him for it.
I honestly believe that you need to cut off all personal communication with H until he gets IC and proves he has genuinely changed over a long period of time. Allowing him to think he can verbally abuse you, spray you and your personal items with water (and do this IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS!), etc, and still have a R with you is unhealthy to say the least. Don't you agree? Someone has to put an end to this crazy cycle, and I 99% guarantee it isn't going to be your H. If there was ever a sitch where the LBS should be the WAS, it is here.
Are you going to continue living this way, chicki? What kind of example is this setting for the kids? Will your D's learn to put up with this kind of garbage from their own Hs?
I'm sorry if this comes across harsh, but this is the first time I've dropped by your sitch in several weeks, and it's the same old thing. I think a 2x4 is very much in order here.
Gd, Like u said you have not read my other posts in weeks. And as EVRYONE here knows WE all have bad days with afew backslide. TODAY happens to be the day u read my very AWFUL BAD day.
Yes I agree my H needs IC. I stated that before.But I dont agree w/ your statement of me not really growing. My old me would of faught back and reacted badly to my H's temper tantrum. This day could of gone even worse & it could of escalated into physically.
Beleive me if I had not stayed calm it wouldnt have enden in H trying to kiss me. Also, it was a big step 4 H to call and apologize (old H would never admit to being wrong)& and to call AGIAN and apologize(this was the most sincere I have heard him be).
My H was physically & emotionally abused all thru childhod. This is how he expresses anger when he doesnt let it out verbally. H tends to hold it all up inside. It has been a long long time since I have seen him like this. I am NOT making excuses,but I dont see this experince as a set back at all.
Like people say , no one knows exactly your SO like oneself and I can say I feel progress & God is working on us both. My peace w/in still stands! In the past month my H has really started to open up like never before(about diff things).
So I will take your 2x4,for some things and for others ,no.
Thanks for stopping by. I always welcome your thoughts.
