"There's a strange dynamic going on that I'm just not smart enough to figure out. As I move closer to moving out, she becomes friendlier. "
Why is this a strange dynamic???? This is the entirely predictable WAS/LBS dynamic. Try reading up on the distancer/pursuer dynamic. I also made a short post to butterflymom about this recently.
Re W's "impinge on your space" comment, she wants reassurance that she has you wrapped around her finger. Don't give it to her. Just say something really warm and friendle: "Thanks, for the support and respect. It really is exciting to create a new world for myself. Maybe I can have you over sometime to my bad pad to thank you! I can host a mean dinner party, you know."
You know, when I was reading your last journaling I didn't even really notice what you were doing as all that much persuing until OT pointed it out. Good thing she is here to keep you honest. To you, it probably just felt like you were going with the flow. But sometimes you might need to go against the current instead. You do not need to keep mentioning to your W that the door is open. She knows.
FYI, there is a difference between a playful swat on the butt and,
--the tentative faux oh i forgot going in for a kiss please don't reject me thing
and the
--oh let me tentatively touch your arm oh so sneakily and see if you flinch to see if you might really love me after all
W will play mommy and reassure you in the last two instances and feel pretty good about being a good mommy. But, neither kind of action is at all attractive in a romantic P.
Sigh, yes, really. I also have an inordinate amount of fondness for the song, "Brandy" by Looking Glass.
Quote:
To you, it probably just felt like you were going with the flow. But sometimes you might need to go against the current instead.
Yes and yes. I think I've mentioned this before, but it sometimes feel like I experience a month of emotions in a week. It's not been long ago that I told my W the door is still open, and you and OT are right, my W knows how I feel. It just seems like it's been forever. I'll not mention it for a few weeks, or ever (maybe if I staple my tongue to the roof of my mouth), and see how things go.
Quote:
--the tentative faux oh i forgot going in for a kiss please don't reject me thing
and the
--oh let me tentatively touch your arm oh so sneakily and see if you flinch to see if you might really love me after all
The lean-in wasn't tentative, but rather almost like a forgotten reflex/muscle memory kind of thing. We had been shopping together, enjoying each other's company. I didn't even think about it -- literally just happened -- and only caught myself at the last second. On a positive note, she did volunteer the hug, I didn't ask. It also wasn't the friend, ass-out hug, though not quite a we're still in love hug -- but in between. She also didn't look disgusted/freaked out, which would have been the case 4 months ago (or even 2 months ago).
The arm touches weren't tentative either. Purposely did that a few times to see if she would pull back. Was curious. She didn't. Have also noticed her touching me a bit more and not avoiding me nearly as much as she had been. If anything, I actually walk around her more so as not to bump into her or whatever more than she does to me now.
I'll have to try the playful swat on the butt in the next few days
Thanks again.
BD
PS. I don't feel like I'm wrapped around her finger, just open to either moving forward with or without her. However, my actions need to better reflect that internal feeling.
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Good PMA. Football season is coming and I'm closing in on a TV decision! Been up since 9, even after a few Sapphires. Straight over ice, yum. Now, have to save up my beer calories to blow on the Saints/Colts game this Thursday.
About to show the girls and W the apt. Should be interesting to see the girls' reactions. Hope they're OK with it.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
