Oh man, do I know about the snooping. Picture me sneaking in our pantry, scrolling through H's phone at 3am. Yep, not pretty, but it was my life for a long time. I think the term 'gaslighting' is what they call what your H is doing (lying, defending the lies to the end, and making YOU feel crazy for even thinking them).
I have slooooowly realized that snooping hurt me, hurt me a lot. It put H on the defense when I confronted him, and it was never, ever good news. And yes, I was a shell of a mother during this time, overly obsessed with my situation. I have leveled out a bit, and you will too. At the very least, when you stop snooping, pleading, and pursuing, H might not run towards you right away, but he will stop going the other direction. Then, when he realizes you are going on with life (taking care of your kids and NOT asking him for help or advice, just doing it., and taking care of yourself by looking good, rested and healthy, and getting out when you can), he will find you more attractive and less threatening.
