I think it'll be easier to have fun once D16 is out of the house. You'd think she would be old enough not to worry about, but now that she has a boy friend I am worried more than ever! She always wants the BF to come over here. That sounds good, except she won't let me talk to him! That means I can't leave to run errands or anything. Unfortunately I don't completely trust her home alone if I go out.....afraid that she might not be home alone!!! H doesn't feel like he needs to "babysit" so I can't get his help.
Yeah, I'm sorta in the same boat with my DD. She never stays with her dad. She doesn't have a boyfriend, but lots of guy and girl friends that she likes to have over so it does definitely put a damper on our social life.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
My C told me once the only time it is safe for a child to be home alone is between the ages of 10 and 14. Before 10 they need constant supervision and after 14 the need constant supervision.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Had a good time at the movie with SIL---in spite of the fact the husband in the movie was having an affair!!!!! We talked just a bit about divorce and I am happy to say I didn't even get teary-eyed this time! I also got to express a concern about future family get-togethers: how will it be since ow and BIL are such good friends???? SIL said I will always be included in family things at their house. If H chooses to bring ow that will be between the 3 of us. I said I felt like BIL's friendship for ow would "trump" our family connection, but SIL said no. Wonder if BIL feels the same? Maybe some day I will get up enough courage to talk to him. SIL did say, though, that they may do social things with H and ow and, of course, I wouldn't be included then. I think it would be easier if ow was not connected in any way! It would also be easier if we didn't live in the same town. Oh well, I will have to survive here the next 2 years while D16 finishes high school.
I was relived when I got home that D16 was still home alone. I am always suspicious now when she calls to ask what time I will be home. I have lost my trust for both H and D16. Isn't that sad?
It is so sad how divorce changes everything. It not only effects you and your spouse but your whole family. Sad.
It is very hard raising a 16 year old by yourself, isn't it? I debated going out last night because she would have the house to herself. She hasn't disappointed me yet, but still you don't know what could happen. She had a friend spend the night with her. The friend's mother is a friend of mine, so I called her and I told her I was going out. She said she would call and keep in touch with them. Everything was fine when I got home.
I've told my daughter as long as I could trust her she could have certain freedoms, but if she caused me to doubt her, then her freedom would be taken away. It' hard because if she did something wrong I would get the blame from H, but on the other hand where is he in all of this? Out with OW. It must be nice not have any responsibilities when it comes to your children, huh?
I do look at it this way though, my daughter and I have become so close through this. I know I have her respect and love. Her dad has disappointed her several times recently. All I can do is be there for her.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I have had various letters I could write to both H and ow pop into my mind (usually around 3am!). Some are mean spirited. I don't want to be the person that thinks those things!!!! Hopefully thinking them is ok as long as I don't actually send any letters to them.
H has a big test for work this week. To counter balance my dreams I made a little care package for H with silly stuff and left it on the counter near the mail so I knew he would find it. I told him I was proud of him and knew he would do well. The only part I probably shouldn't have included was "this is the last test with me as your wife". He picked it up yesterday when I wasn't home.
Just had a phone call from him.....strange timing!!!! I didn't answer the phone, but he left a message on home phone and cell phone thanking me for the care package.
Mattie, you are such a sweetheart making him the care package. Even though he has put you through hell and back you are still there for him. I wish I could shake him and say OPEN YOUR EYES!
Have a great day Mattie!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Matilda, you sound like you are dealing with this really well. I watched part of Wayne Dyer's most recent PBS special, and he reminded me that we create our days and our lives. If I have a bad day, I've allowed that to happen. This is easier said than done right now, I know, but try to not let your H create your day.
It sounds like it's time for you and your D to have a frank talk about expectations when you're not at home. Good luck!
