Husband left 2 weeks ago and has only called to see kids once. Says there's no OW, but I know there is. H bought a new cell phone with a 2 year contract the day after he left. Guess what. He called her 20 times yesterday.
Don't ask how I found all this out. That's where I mess up. I saw the charge on the bank acct, confronted him, he denied it. Said he bought something for computer. I tracked down the number and I called him. I think I may be a stalker. Damn me! I know I am pursuing him, and that is the exact reason he keeps on running. I'm obsessed! I keep badgering him to tell me the truth, but he just keeps lying, and lying quite badly I might add.
How does one separate the finances and cell phones without falling into the heated argument trap. I'm really stressed about how we are going to live separately. He won't return my calls.
Then I came up with some BS story to get him to come see the kids. Said he was coming but never showed. That was 4 hrs ago. I'm such an idiot! He is so done with me! Trying to do a 180 for my own sanity and my kids. I know they need me, but I spend too much time and energy chasing H. That leaves them without a mother or a father. Gotta get my head straight. Have to detach and let him go.
Any advice on how to follow through and get through these weak moments would be so appreciated.
I want to go dark, but want to get the finances sorted first.
Any advice on how to approach without seeming desperate?
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Whoa Nelly. No more snooping! OK we have all done it. It can be addictive, but it comes to no good and look what happens when you get caught. Why should we look like the untrustworthy ones? But hey, life is not fair. Cheaters will lie. Lie forever if they could. They lie to A. protect their spouses-how sweet. B. avoid getting into trouble-how selfish. But do not have any expectations at this point. He does not have to be done but you know you cannot pursue him. It not only seems unattractive, it sets you up for disappontment. Unless, you want to call a lawyer right now and file for divorce? Then stop snooping and pursuing him full stop. You may not need to detach. You are having obsessive thoughts because you are tryingto make sense but it will not make sense. He is in LaLa Land. Is he Kevin Federline by any chance?
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I think no attention is better for me now after a few months. I think this is part of the detachment phase because I do not want to see him. I am thankful that he will not have the kids for a few days. I can breathe.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Aswell as wanting attention ourselves, keeping up frequent neediness gives THEM attention and lets them feed off the high of feeling 'wanted' by more than one person.
The the LBS is hurting because their S doesn't want to give them their attention and the WAS basks in being fought over. It sucks Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
My H was in his element with OW and me fighting over him. I have taken on the LRT dunno if it will work, but he is trying very hard to find out what I am doing and why I won't talk to him / give hi attention. It is hard to know how to move forward from here. Just give it time I guess.
NC
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Hi How do you know if they are in MLC? I think that mine may be. You see he has this thing about getting older and I always just teased him about it but all of this came about right after our birthdays this summer and we turned 35. He always said he would not live to see 38 (his Dad died when he was 37). I did not think it was that serious but now I am having my doubts. I think he may be in a MLC but I can not tell and I am not sure what to do.
