Hey CVA, Dave, Chicki, Nomo & Slowly, thanks for checking in on me
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It's simply amazing to me how befuddled he becomes at being turned loose. So, perhaps the thing that is the hardest--the turning loose, the abdication of all control--is the real secret.
Yes Delia, seems that H is becoming more befuddled by the day. It looks like it's much more comfortable for him to be in the pushing away/distancing role, than free to go with no sign of pursuit from me.
Hi Slowly,
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This is just not an easy process or skill to learn when we have the habits of a lifetime to conquer.
Ain't that the truth. Somehow it just looks so easy on paper!
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some men actually like women who are bitches
It is definitely true that my H prefers a women who offers a challenge, although in a nicer way.
There was a full 2 days of no contact after H's Weds. visit where I asked if he had plans to do anything special w/S4 for the long wkend other than the Friday night sleep over. I had also asked what the plan was for my B-Day, which was met with "I hadn't even thought about that." Confusing about the no contact since he said he wanted to talk to S4 everyday when he was out of town for 2 weeks, 7 also about the B-Day since he brought it up last week.
In those 2 days I went through yet a whole different cycle of detaching. This one is by far the best, as there's no effort at all in acting "As If". I would have liked to have begun with this one first b/c it's terrific. No twisty stomach. No holding my breath during conversation, fearing some unwelcome news. Almost nothing at all.
Right before he showed up on Friday night, he called & wanted to know If I was going to dinner w/them. No, I already had plans, thanks anyway. When he arrived he wanted to know where I was going. I told him, out for a glass of wine & bite to eat, in fact, I'm running late & better get going. I was friendly though, as I told him. About 5 minutes after we parted, he calls me & asks me to please leave the computer on for him to do a surf check, since he doesn't have my new password. We went through this a couple of months ago, when I told him there was a reason I have a new password, but I just said "OK" & didn't do it. He did add not to worry, he wouldn't look at my email, etc. Somehow I can't picture him allowing me to peruse his PC, unattended for hours at a time. I wouldn't have the nerve to even ask. Anyway, I did let him look up what he wanted the next day, with me sitting right behind him, which I'm sure didn't make him very happy.
So I guess I'm answering this question pretty well right now Slowly;
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Just wondering if you have been able to reconcile why you feel responsible for his actions or sentiments?
I'm not feeling responsible for his sentiments & it's a great feeling.
When I came home Friday night, I said a nice hello, headed straight up to my room & closed the door. He had to come in 3 times for something or other & appeared to be a little shaken by the change, since I usually spend time with him b/f going to our rooms.
Next day, he wants to know if I think I might want to do something for my B-Day. That's OK, I have it covered. Very nice & friendly when I said it. Spent the rest of the morning busy around the house, playing with S4, going out for a run & returning a couple of phone calls. The happier I was, the more he worried he looked, until I looked over to see him with his head in his hands a couple of times. So, I guess giving muscles new memories is throwing things off, he looks more confused than ever.
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that is by consistent action, no known short cuts. So get some duct tape - and goal yourself to say less.
You're so right, the less said, the better.
Going to an end of the summer party tomorrow night & B-Day party on Monday, so looking forward to a great weekend Best wishes for a great one for you all too,
