Plank removed from eye, too late for WAW? 4

[NDDT]

Heimy I think what you said was good........but......

"you are not my wife, not in any real sense of the word."

If your wife is anything like mine, that is all she heard. Just suggesting you tone down statements like that. I know it says somewhere in the book.....If I do this, say this...will it help or hurt my relationship. Not trying to harsh on you in any way man. Just tossing that out.

G

[limbo]

Heim,

I think you handled that well, sometimes its almost it all like a game to our S, and sometime they need the 2x4 to wake them up alittle!
Hopefully with enough of these we can wake them up totally! Of course we make sure to do it in a good DB way!!!

[Heimlich]

Thanks everyone. All of your comments made me feel much better. Of course, now I HAVE to clean it myself. Blech.

Limbo, I hope someone/thing hits her smack in the head with a 2x4. I still love her very much, and it does kind of stink that I have to prepare to live without her. C'est la vie. I've accepted that and am moving forward.

"you are not my wife, not in any real sense of the word."

I hear what you're saying NDDT, but I bracketed this statement with qualifiers, "for now" and "you know how I still feel." I almost didn't include the line, but did because I was holding on to her so tightly that I just wanted to reinforce to her that I really am letting her go. She knows that I think best when I write, so it probably got noticed.

Bad parents/DB note. D9 lost a tooth last night. I had my second fantasy draft at 6 last night. These two are related. DBing note 1: W was aware, and OK, with me doing the draft and her taking care of the girls. However, there was a back to school night last night that she was going to take the kids to, but ended up that they students weren't really supposed to be there. Sad fine, just take them to dinner and I can deal with them otherwise. That was different from original plans, which always throws her off, was calm, offered a solution, and she took it. That was good. End DBnote 1.

Part of drafting is having an adult beverage during the draft. I had two. I've not been drinking often. I was fairly happy.

Draft ended, got the girls to bed, W came home, we made plans to play tooth fairy.

Here's where the intersection mentioned comes in. I'm usually up late and had planned on slipping the money under her pillow. I fell asleep at 10:30. W got up, but D was still awake. Then she fell asleep. End result: no tooth fairy last night.

Now, our D knows that there's no tooth fairy, but she was upset. I had an "oh, shite" moment when I went to get her up. She pulled out her little baggie with the tooth and just looked at me. Felt a little tiny.

DB note 2: Went to inform my W. She already knew and was crying. Asked her if she wanted a hug and she said yes and I held her for a minute or so while she sobbed (for you, CVA, she was only in a bra and jeans).

Got the girls fed and went upstairs to plan with the W: does the tooth fairly come this afternoon? Later? Have someone in your office write an apology note from the tooth fairy, since she knows our handwriting. Said it'd be pretty funny if the tooth fairy had a form letter, complete with header, etc., "We regret to inform you that due to too many children in China losing their teeth last night, our operatives were too swamped to get to everyone last night. We regret the inconvenience and will before our duty this evening. Regards, TF" That got a laugh out of her. So, she let me hold her to comfort her like she used to, first time in a while. She laughed when I said something silly, that's been off and on.

Happy Friday to everyone,

BD

[oldtimer]

Sounding good Heim.

[Heimlich]

Thanks, OT. The whacks you gave me really did help push me over the edge to where I am, mentally, now. I'd like to think I would've gotten here, but you accelerated that process greatly. Thank you.

Oh, and my fantasy draft went very well. Think I've got a shot at making the playoffs again. Man I love me some football.

BD

[Heimlich]

Quick Journal

Brought a few boxes to my apt. today. Bought a bed. Ended up with a Sealy memory foam, closest to the tempurpedic celebrity bed that we bought last year and that I got used to sleeping on.

Met W and D9 at Target. Got a few things for the apt. W helped D pick out a few things for her room/bathroom. Little weird, given why we were there, but also friendly at the same time. Got my hair cut before I met them there. When I walked in, she put her hands on the back of my head to feel the cut a bit. Hadn't done that in a while, seem to be getting more physical touch from her. Not sure it means anything, but better than no touch. Anyway, touched her lightly on the back and arm a few times, she didn't pull or shrink away.

Checked out, put stuff for my apt in the car, stuff for house in the van. Can't remember what she said, something friendly. She was about to get into the seat. I kindof leaned in and then pulled back and must've got a strange look on my face. She asked me what was the matter, I'll give you a hug. Said that I leaned in for a kiss then remembered where we are. She gave me a hug, so that was OK. I said I'm a little excited about moving in to the apt, but that the 'door is closed'. She said "you mean open" I said, "yes, don't know why I said that."

Cooked some steaks and potatos on the grill (I'm gonna miss my grill), had a good dinner. Watched an episode of Monk together. Putting D9 to bed. Standing in the hall. D9 gave W a hug. W was tired, she turned to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek and a hug and went to bed. First kiss on the cheek in, poop, quite a while.

Oh, she also said while we were futzing around at the van that "this will be good for us." Still no idea what that means. Will this be good for us as a reconciliation possibility or will this be good for us so that we can get on with our lives. Who the hell knows. Living and acting like the later, hoping for the former.

Just another day in paradise

Life is getting better though. Feel like I'm moving forward, one way or the other, and that's good.

BD

[bar]

Do you never, Sleep, H? What time is it in MD?
Survived the night. Will go back to bed soon.
Sounds like she'll want to 'feel the cut' again? Good going.

[Heimlich]

1:30. I'm a night owl. Always have been. Plus, the 40 Year Old Virgin is on again. That movie, Wedding Crashers, Pulp Fiction, and, God help me, The Cutting Edge -- can't stop watching them.

I hope so. Not sure what's going on with the W, but there is more touching recently. Hope it means something. We'll just have to wait and see.

Also, been into the Bombay Saffire. No particular reason other than that, now and again, getting a wee bit of a buzz isn't all that bad.

BD

[oldtimer]

Heim.

Really.

Why did you pursue her and then top it off with reminding her that you and she are in totally different places but that you will be there no matter what?

You (1) gobble up the space you gave her that was making her uncomfortable enough to approach you a bit, and (2) reassure her that she doesn't have to worry about any uncertainty she is feeling because you will still be her doormat even if your own door is across town.

Hmmmppphh. And you even KNEW you were getting some kind of results. Let's see how much touching you get tomorrow.

[Heimlich]

Why did you pursue her

No clue. Combo of stupidity and remnants of closeness from spending time together. Wierd situation. Got confused.

but that you will be there no matter what?

Not quite sure I communicated this to her. For now, yes, she knows I'm still interested. I think she knows at some point that's going to pass -- 2 months, 4 months, 1 year -- who knows, but I'll move on. Oddly enough, I actually don't feel this way (doormat) because for us to have a good R, she would have to accept me more than she has in the past. And, I've told her that I'm glad I'm moving out because I need the space as well -- something that I really believe. Honestly, wish I had done this a while back. Implied in that is that I'm not 'a doormat.' You're right in that she might perceive that, though I don't think she does. She's been prefacing anything related to me or the apartment with something to the effect of "I don't want to impinge on your space."

There's a strange dynamic going on that I'm just not smart enough to figure out. As I move closer to moving out, she becomes friendlier. Perhaps this is the removal of pressure from both of us. Perhaps it's more of the "old" me coming through again. Perhaps it's relief that I'm getting the hell out of her life.

Not mentioned in my previous post is that I've been getting a lot of the smiles and glances during conversation that I've not gotten recently (past two months). That continued after the conversation by the van -- also some joking from her after that conversation as well (actually kindof funny, she saw a driving school car from Potomac, just south of us, very wealthy neighborhood -- owner of the Redskins, lots of Internet money, etc. -- said she saw a drviers school car. The car they were driving -- a corvette.). It's like too much pursuit is bad. Absolutely. However, a little seems to be OK. Trying to straddle that line of "I'm OK with moving on" but "The door is still open" is killing me. Keep in mind that my W and I are both not into playing emotional games.

She's laughing at more of my jokes than in the past, and it seems there's a correlation to being close/spending time together and me being more emotionally open. Until about a week ago, she seemed very closed off/pissed at any hint of "hey, I still like you." Now, seems like it's Ok with her (I've said twice, in response to her saying "that's how I am." that "I know, and I still like you anyway." Got a laugh both times.)

gobble up the space you gave her

I nibbled.

uncomfortable enough to approach you a bit

Kiss on the cheek/hug after all of this. Plus, she came downstairs to see if I wanted to watch an episode of Monk (around 10). I had mentioned it in the afternoon, but only once.

I'll keep you apprised of the touching situation.

C'mon OT, what do I have to do to get a full fledged HARRRUMPPPHH! Of course, I like to think I'm smart enough not to do anything like that.

I really am confused. A little reassurance seems to sit well with W. ARRRRGGGGGG.

BD