not sure. new here

[mkultra]

You have a lot to deal with here. What is the priority here? First, have you seen a therapist for your dpression? Are you still nursing? Is there a place you can stay?

You can call WIC in your county to get several services. Food stamps, shelter, therapy, counseling for the kids like in Child Haven.

What is your support system like? Brothers, parents, neighbours, priest , rabbi, another single mom?

Yes, people can change overnight even. I thought my H had to be on drugs because I never saw him act that way. Totally different. I almost wished it was something simple like a drug just so I could diagnose his bizaare behavior! You cannot dwell on the whys right now. His insanity, temporary or inorganic, does not matter. The only thing that matters is that his insane world not enter into your baby's world. My H also got depressed while I was preggers and I had post lactation depression when we seperated. Being hormonal and his depression, sleep deprivation was probably behind a lot of our arguments that turned into fights. Well, only two fights. He raised a hand to me and shoved his middle finger to my nose. Maybe he could have slapped me but he never laid a hand on me. Thank God or my kids would not have seen their Dad for a loooong time. But who knows? I have been putting up with a lot I never thought I would.

No one needs to judge your sitch. But you have to know that you can get real help for your depression. You need to be healthy and clear minded for your kids. Your health and safety is most important because you are protecting them.

I believe you can find reconciliation but your H may need a lot of time and space. Do not pursue him or engage in any arguments. He or You have acted in violence and these things escalate no matter what. My H's verbal abuse did not end just because he was caught cheating. I actually thought he would be so sorry and remorseful. No, he got even more pi$$ed that he got exposed. He treated me worse so don't snoop or tail him.

You can let him know about how much money you need in an email or text so he will not draw you into an argument in person or on the phone. That is what I do. My H still threatens to stop giving me money and I have not filed anything because I do not want a divorce. I just want my healthy sane H back but that mighttake a miracle. Sounds like you are waiting for one to. In the mean time, since miracles take a lot of work and prayer. Take darn good care of yourself. You may need to get out of where you live. Don't stop eating. Drink water and breathe deeply. Do you have any day care? Ugh. I feel bad for you but I know you are smart and you can do this. You are not alone and a lot of us have been where you are tonight.

I am so sorry. Having two babies and a stepson at that age is hard enough!