Parallel Lives of Morgan and MK 1. Hs in between jobs 2. Hs think it is OK to introduce kids to OW 3. LBS funny and cute and good in bed LOL 4. M 10 years 5. To spend or not spend day at the pool and act as if or keep dark question 6. Spring bomb Summer seperation 7. Likable Hs 8. Kids are tot and primary 9. Ws' great taste in everything 10. Phone torture w/ ILs.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
crap, things just got more complicated. I called to say good morning to the kids and since its cooler today, he said he's not going to the pool, instead he's taking the kids to an amusement park and would I like to join them?
ack!
I would love to see them there. the only time they've been to a place like this was when we took them to wdw last fall, and they had so much fun. it was wonderful. obviously this would be on a much smaller scale, but at 5 and 3, I know they would love it.
so here is my dilemma...go with them, and focus on the kids and just have a great time watching them. or skip it, and go along with my plans for the day and wish I could see their faces. option 3 would have me going, but taking my own car, so I can still meet them, but at the same time, skip the car ride (its a bit of a hike).
no, this is not H realizing he's been an ass and trying to get me back. trust me. when I called him back to tell him I might be interested, he even asked, "are you going to be okay with this?" meaning nothing for him has changed, he just knows I'd love to see the kids and such.
ack!
don't know what to do.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
okay, decision...I'm going to go, but I'm going to drive myself. its a 2 hour drive, but I don't mind it, and it will be easier in case this was a huge mistake even going. he sounded surprised when i called and told him the plan..."you can't even sit 2 hours in a car with me?" and I told him I didn't know, right now its really hard.
at the very least, I don't have to get tense because he snaps on the kids if they whine or the like. and he will probably be less likely to snap on the kids because I'm not there to be irritating him in general.
wish me luck!!!!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I really feel for you. I'm new here, so maybe I'm wrong to try to give advice when my situation is just as screwy. I don't have any resources except my gut reaction that it is definitely too soon to drop this on the kids.
It sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place because, if he's like my H, he says it's really about you being jealous and selfish, not really about what's best for the kids.
Truth is, kids need time, safety, security. Their lives are already turned upside down. Need time to adjust before more changes. Doesn't matter what resources you have, sounds like he's going to fight you tooth and nail anyway.
I, personally would remind him that he is responsible for his own choices. He married you and had children with you of his own free will. He chose to leave, not you. Where he is at, is the result of his choices. His children's feelings should come first, that's the role of a parent. He doesn't like it at his mom's, sorry.
Take responsibility for yourself, but not him. There has to be accountability.
Stay strong
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
I totally agree with Nephartiti too. Still, I would have like to have gone though. I would have even like to go in the same car. My H and I love each others' company just liek you two! Weird huh?
Remember Going Dark has a dimmer switch but Plan B does not so it depends where you are.
If you are still in Acting As If mode or Plan A then agreeing with everything and being positive is all good. It is not about cake, it is about showing how green your grass is and how positive life with the family can be. That part is not about accountability or any expectations.
But Plan B is different and Going Dark is about cutting them off and letting their affair die because LBS is no longer meeting a large percentage of their emotional needs. The OP will have to meet that and then the affair implodes or the WS misses the LBS hopefully.
I am a Libra so I have a hard time sticking to one Plan. I kind of Acted As If today but lwb told me to Stay Dark but be positive when I had to see him so I did that but I will (try) not do any family things while he is having an affair. Well, that is my goal.
Last edited by mkultra; 09/02/0704:47 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
why I am up? its 6:15...why am I up????? the kids aren't even here to blame it on!
thanks neph, lwb, mk. appreciate the comments/insight.
now for yesterday. I did end up driving myself the 2 hours up to the mountains in NH to a place called storyland. why give you the name of the place? well, because it makes it all just, well, weirder. It was a nice drive...really pretty, I took the mountain route, they took the lakes route, so I had some good thinking time...not to mention could blast my music and not hear any whining (see, not a bad thing, driving myself. lol). I got there about 5 minutes after they did, and the kids were sooo excited to see me. he hadn't told them I was coming, so they were excited to be there at all, and I guess I was the icing on the cake.
storyland is a really cute place for the ages my kids are at. Its a place kids quickly outgrow, but for this age, its like heaven. I had wanted to take the kids there, they have never been, so that was just really fun to be there and see their faces. it was a little cool, so I changed into jeans when we got there. why tell you that? well, its important, because apparently I was really rockin' those jeans.
Ya know how when you are on a diet and you say you won't have any sweets or the like? well, for h, I was that big piece of chocolate cake that he wasn't allowed to have. I swear I am bruised today from him trying to grope me. at storyland. yes, storyland. most of it wasn't naughty, most of it was the fact that he just kept trying to hold me, put his arms around me, rub my shoulders...he did that hands to my face/in my hair thing that makes me completely weak in the knees. he has great hands. omg, I was dying to melt into him. I was. but I didn't, I held strong, because this was only physical. he kept telling me I tooked really really good. nice, considering I didn't do anything, didn't put on anything special.
we had a good time. it was nice, actually. I did flirt a little, but held my distance. just told him he had lost those priviledges. which seemed to only spur him on. typical. the more I pushed him away, the more he wanted me. he even tried to get me to kiss him, which I wouldn't. and oooh, how many parts of me wanted to. but I didn't, because thankfully as much as the rest of me was in working order, my mind was, too.
when it was time to leave, he asked me if I wanted to go get a bite to eat with them before heading home. I agreed to. once there, we had a good time, even with tired kids. it was a nice dinner, some good conversation. but I held firm to what I told him the other week...I don't want to know about your social life, I don't want you to ask about mine. well, he did try to ask some stuff, but I cut him off. so we talked about other things, and it was very much like old times in some respects. he thanked me for coming, said he had a good time, I thanked him for asking me.
then he tried to talk me into letting him come over and well, getting things going. no, not in a reconciliation way, more in a "I want you, have to have you, I can make it really good way." I laughed, but made it clear that no, it wasn't going to happen
I am sooo proud of my brain for staying in control. and sooo glad I took my own car.
I drove home, exhausted but happy. nothing has changed with us at all, it hasn't, and I know it. but its nice to know I can still get to him. and honestly, if he does take it out on ow today, well, he'll be thinking of me. somehow that gives me perverse satisfaction. I'm a sick, sick woman. and maybe it will niggle at him, the good memories of us. or maybe not...not counting on it, that's for damn sure.
and that was that.
well, I'm going to go crawl back in bed for a while, then off to the gym before he gets here with the kids. am curious to see how he acts today. guessing like normal...meaning normal for the last few months. and guessing he'll be heading to her beach house as soon as he drops them off. but hey, at least I had a fun day with him yesterday. and at least I know I stayed strong and didn't give in to temptation yesterday. and oh, how I wanted him to even just hold me, but I never really let him.
Last edited by morgan; 09/02/0710:39 AM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I am sooooooo glad you went, held him at bay and left him most definately wanting some more. A win-win day, the kids had a blast, and you got to see that, and got to get to H!!!! I know, I know, he'll be normal today like nothing happened, that's the alien talking, but you know and HE knows yesterday happened.
GOOD for you for not giving in and being physical with him. It shows your stance for sure. It says "Yep, you got me, I *do* want you, however, I am not lowering myself to be in your life while you are doing what you are doing on the side". That is amazing!!!! A tough boundary to draw. Isn't it amazing how we can be attracted (SO attracted) to them at one moment, and in the same day, they can disgust us?? Emotions......lots of 'em..
Get back in bed. Are you INSANE lady??? You have NO kids at the moment.
yeah, what can I say. it is. I am. I suck. H came over with the kids this morning and once they were off playing he asked me if I was okay, and if I was mad at him about yesterday. I told him no...I mean, what was there to be mad at, really? he said he wasn't trying to mess with my head. I told him I knew that, he was trying to mess with my body, not my head. lol. anyway, all was fine until, well, he started in again. and suddenly he grabbed me, threw me in his arms and ran upstairs.
yeah.
I did protest, albeit weakly. ya know how in cartoons there was always that character with the devil on one shoulder, the angel on the other? that was me...it was like I had a birds eye view of the whole thing, with the devil going, yeah, baby, yeah! and the angel was trying to remind me of ow and what an ass h is now and how I don't even like him much lately, how he's broken my heart a dozen times over. I even tried to keep the picture of them that I saw last week in my mind...didn't work. all the while mr-busy-hands was well, busy. omg. finally the devil beat the angel over the head with the frying pan and no more was heard.
I knew what I was doing. I knew it was wrong. I knew if I were a better game player, or stronger person, or, well, had some other outlet that took the really took the edge off (as much as I enjoy my own company, its not the same, is it ladies?), I would not have succumbed. but I did. and in a way, I used him. I knew it wouldn't change anything, would probably do more damage, but I took what I needed...or at least what my body needed. I knew after, he'd go spend the rest of the weekend with her. and I didn't care...at least at the moment I didn't.
wow, that sounds really jaded. and probably verging into tmi here.
hey, I suppose if this is the last time, at least it was better than the last, last time. it was damn good, in fact, considering the brevity of it (necessary when 3 little kids are just downstairs).
ahh, well, I'll be stronger next time. if there is a next time. he had what he came for...the question is, will that satisfy him, or leave him wanting more? hmmmm????
I do know that if that slim chance of reconciliation rears its head again, there is a lot that needs to happen before we can. A lot I need to see change in him. but honestly, I think this was just a lust-fest, nothing more than that, and will lead to nothing more than that. except hey, next time maybe I'll be stronger.
Last edited by morgan; 09/02/0707:10 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
OH girl, don't beat yourself up. I am happy for you. And you know what, when H and I had sex a few times about 2 weeks ago, I walked away from it kind of like you: I 'used' him as well, wanted him, took him, end of story. Yes, emotions were involved during the act, but I knew what would come of it, and was fine with it. I blew him away when he said the next day "I regret it, never intended to hurt you" blah blah blah and I said "Why? I don't regret it, it was great, and I know it doesn't change anything" and never said another word about it, didn't increase the physical stuff the next day (like more hugs, kisses, etc).
And yep, none of those rotten images we have compare to the actual person in our arms. So unfair, that should be our armor, our protection when our bodies get weak.
