You have helped me understand my wife (and myself) a bit further. Thanks. However what you are talking about does not sound like masculine and feminine energy to me but just plain anger. Something my wife and I have both been working on dealing with in ourselves. Jogging helps. Yoga helps. Kung Fu helps. And most recently seeing where I got it (good ole Mom and Dad) and how nasty and unattractive it looks on them was a big detterent. Yeeeeeecccchhhhkkk.
Blackfoot. I haven't really seen any patterns anymore. Used too. However when a little too much wine is consumed she tends to get more selfish and have an angrier attitude. Goes for me too.
BJ, well not that I know of over there. But I'll keep it in mind. I did just meet my brother who I haven't seen since he was 9. (32 now) What a freakin trip. Didn't grow up together but I've never met anyone so much like myself. I've never had such an instant friend in my life either. Spent almost a week hanging out and couldn't stop talking the whole time. W really enjoyed it too.
However going back to Blackfoot, when she showed up for that weekend at Tahoe (she hadn't planned on going but when I took off to have some fun for the weekend she called once I was there and said she was on the way, funny huh. Yeah BJ I know you would have predicted that) She was pretty nasty when she got there. After a bit she told me she had had a really rough day and had to hang with someone she really couldn't stand. She had been affectionate when I left but when she showed up she was far from it. After a few drinks it didn't get better.
So anyway back to BJ. Yes you are right I definetely tend to do that. But no I have not been to much. I have realized some things but they have been more about me and that's good. I'm actually pretty amazed at myself at how I can make an internal change pretty quickly now.
I know I'm all over things with this post but here's an interesting story. And it's about me not the R. But I do think it is related to the changes in me from dealing with the R.
So every day I take my dogs to the river. Day before yesterday we go and nearly get into a car accident on the way. Guy follows me and is steaming mad. Starts yelling accusations at me and is ready to throw down. He's pretty big, bodybuilder type, tattoed everywhere. So I just calmly apologize and actually have a little conversation. At the end he's apologizing to me and wishing me a nice day.
So I walk off down the river as usual. I get about a half a mile down and I'm totally thinking about other things, I had totally forgotten about the near fight situation, when I realize that that in itself is a bit weird. I was so unconcerned that not one molecule of adrenaline ever hit my bloodstream. Nothing. I was almost bored by it. So much so that I forgot about it until later when I realized how weird it was that I forgot about it.
It made me pretty happy. Felt like some sort of sage or something. I think I'll email my buddhist priest friend and tell him about it. I somehow think he'll have a comment.
And on the home front. Yes things are getting better. Still slow as hell but I do notice changes as small as they are. She flirts with me more. Touches more. When I walked in to a social gathering last night and saw her she came up to kiss me. Things are moving along.
I'd use the term agonizingly slow but it's not. I'm not agonizing over it a bit. And the truth of it is that I think that's what's making the change. It takes away the blame.
Well this was going to be a quick post but oh well.
