back to square -1 or -10000

[cat03]

If only our H's could see the pain they have caused,
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The "not just friends" book says the men in particular tend to donwplay the A, if it was purely sexual they actually move on quicker.

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Kind of the "bag it, if it's too much" work attitude.

...or that things will never be forgiven so why should he continue to try
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You guys got it. Again, from the NJF book, it says that too much emotional turmoil and barrage of questions will not help the S feel safe.

I actually pinpointed what was wrong with me... I was bitter. Still over thought all the details of the A in my head, even during our vacation (he was fine, though still spaced out lots, we had a good time overall, just bickered a bit on the drive home about his driving, that was all)

And of course God provided me with a timely answer to my emptiness tonight: my quarterly, (this quarter is "For better or worse: couples from the bible:) the theme this week was David and Bathsheba.
I kept thinking (about my H) "how could he! when he did x y and z, unbelievable!" etc etc, and then I read:

"The story of David and Bathsheba ever bears witness to how even the most godly people, unless careful, can fall into the worlst of sin. How fortunate that we have a God who can forgive the unforgivable!
Proverbs says that 'the eyes of man are never satisfied' how true in the case of David. By the time he lusted after Bathseba, he already had more than six wives and who knows how many concubines. And yet that was not enough?...The indulgence of a passion, far from removing the passion, only makes that passion stronger and stronger."

I used to read the quarterly to my H long long ago when he used to go to church with me. I'm thinking about asking him if he minds that i read to him again, will tell him what's it all about and how it helped me to be less judgemental. He might say no, but I'll give it a try anyways, without any strings.

H is now with friends on the shortened much debated trip, txted me a few times this afternoon but nothing now (he did say he forgot his charger). But I won't fret--sure, I'd like to know what he is doing, but I have learned to detach. If he wants to go down a path of destruction, it's on him. As the first chapter of I Peter says "you are of incorruptible seed" and proceeds to talk about trials by fire (please read it, hope it gives you the peace it just gave me.)

I will be fine, I remember now