Hi Sunny \:\)

So much of what you are going through sounds very familiar. This is just not an easy process or skill to learn when we have the habits of a lifetime to conquer.

Originally Posted By: warm&sunny
While I've done a great job in creating mystery, I've found in the last couple of weeks that I rush in to give a few clues to solve the mystery when I see he's squirming. That, o/c is met with instant distancing & a push back. After my party, I tried to make up for not inviting him by being a little extra nice, forgetting that it translates into pursuing.


Used to be a big problem for me too - trying to fix everyone else's problem I think in business some of this is called 'leadership', but of course in adult relationships this trait of problem-solving may not be always welcome. Just wondering if you have been able to reconcile why you feel responsible for his actions or sentiments?

I remember Maya reminding me that some men actually like women who are bitches (being in total control of herself) and that means not being distracted by what may or may not be going through the guy's head.

Originally Posted By: warm&sunny
I said too much in the last couple of days & got a dose of rewriting as a result. Apparently, H is afraid of being around me right now b/c we argued so much in the last 3 yrs. It doesn't matter that we're not arguing now, b/c he has "muscle memory" as a result. How does the LBS get by that one, you don't even have to have an argument, they know that there's one just waiting to come out. At least the time frame of us being so unhappy has moved up from 8yrs to 3yrs.


Take all you can - going down from 8 to 3 years is definitely heading in the right direction ;\) And the proven way to get over 'muscle memory' is to give the same muscles new memories - and unfortunately that is by consistent action, no known short cuts. So get some duct tape - and goal yourself to say less. Talk to us instead - we appreciate your words

Slowly

A Liberal Allowance of Time