How much contact? What type?

[HBT]

Hey Bruce,
Just wanted to touch base. Thanks for the post on the other thred, I will definitely be looking into the book you suggested. Went to C yesterday; I didn't expect miracles but I felt dissappointed. Nothing learned or gained that I already haven't read or thought about. It just seemed like another person or stranger actually, listening to the most intimate details of my life. Very hard for me to open up and what supprised me the most was her expressed assumptions/opinions, just by what I was telling her. The jury is still out on that one.

Anyway, I do resonate with so much of your posts and have alot of soul searching to do. Coincidently, abandonment issues as well as a dysfunctional childhood has always played a part in my R's and has deeply affected my communication skills. These are things I have been thinking and reading alot about, trying to understand whay I am the way I am so to speak. I'm not going to make any excuses for my negative behaviors in the past and have already remedied so much of them.

So yes, I am taking a good look at my part in all of this mess and do take my responsibility for it. I am learning to change and have already made great strides. BTW, I love your suggestion about the give/need list, I think it is very insightful.

Now, socializing for me is quite a challenge. I have centered my world around my h and family and since I stopped working(an RN). I've done some volunteering at the schools but nothing social w/o my h. I am searching for a church and have already attended a service; we used to go as a family but haven't gone for a very long time now. I do feel drawn back and so need the strength. The last mass I attended I got alittle weepy though it, so I'm hoping for dry eyes the next time!

Just an update, my h came over toady w/ ss to watch college fb game, at first was supposed to stay the night but backed out- too much pressure I assume! He couldn't even stay the duration of the game as he kept escaping to our neighborhood friend's house several times. He now treats ss as if he's his best bud instead of father! HE wanted to talk and keeps apologizing, insisting there is no ow but I now find out he's been staying with a previous coworker whom I do not know. He is very confused and seems to be hurting deeply and is in a depression of sorts. He 'wants' to figure things out but keeps reitereating how he's sorry he 'cant'. I maintained a modicam of dignity even though I was dying inside at his confessions. I even told him I felt sorry for him that he was missing out on his family, the little things. He seemed concerned that I may start dating and stated if I did, that it would change everything! Is he projecting or what. I said I had no intentions but I am going to find things to do to socialize(he is and has been)! Him not being able to stand it to be comfortable in his own home or around ME is just torture!!

I too am sorry we all have to meet like this; but I do know this board has helped me tremendously through the most painful time in my life. I'm not giving up and value any and all input I recieve and read here! Thank you Bruce!! Your are a good soul!Peace...