trying to get a grip...

[HBT]

Thank you all for your posts, it is so helpful to read about others dealing with similar circumstances. I have read several books and naturally came to this website after reading DB and DR. Unfortunately I have already done all the negative things and acted pretty pathetic trying to talk sense into him. I am devastated over this, but am starting to come terms with it being a long road ahead. This is not going to be an easy fix, but I do believe in our M even though he can't see it right now. He is acting like a single man, not a 47yo h & father. He treats his son like his best bud instead of a dad and is now flirting and has commented on 'hot girls' in front of me-NOT like my h whatsoever! How humiliating!

H is definitely in MLC and I think its been coming on at least 1 1/2-2 years now. Looking back, the signs were there and even though it seemed he up and left within weeks, he says he's been struggling @ 3 yrs! I've had to endure every last detail of resentment and hurt I've caused him over the years and lack of control he feels he had over our current family environ; although its everything he wanted and created for us. Thank god the anger part is behind him and now he just seems very confused and apologizes constantly for what he is doing. He's lost alot of weight and his stress level is worrying me. He's trying to assure me that he just needs time and space and is keeping this separation all under wraps from most people until he can decide what he wants to do.

He still wants and does keep tabs on us at home but I cannot know what he is up to since he needs his 'anonimity' from me. He cannot even stand to be at home more than a few hours at a time; just too much pressure!? This is so trying on me and my health has suffered. I think I've turned the corner though and did handle myself with some dignity today in front of him. I told him I love him enough to give him the space he needs and I will do what is necessary for me and the kids here at home. I said I felt sorry for him because he's the one missing out on our family life, even though thats what he is choosing, its the little things. There were more details, but he seemd shocked by my overall response and demeanor I think. That was my main goal for now. Hopefully I gave him something to think about. It still hurts my feelings that he can't stand to sleep in our home, our bed, that its just too much stress for him right now, but he says he hopes to work this out.

I don't think it's a self esteem issue as he is the one who commands presence in the room, a very high level exec. He still tells me how beautiful and sexy I am, bleh!-then what is the prob??? I don't know if he's trying to make me feel better w/o him? He said I could date tomorrow if I wanted to which I couldn't believe he was saying really under the circumstances but then said if I did that would change everything!? I love our M and family and he knows that.

Yes, I do want to fix this for him, like yesterday; but reading these boards has told me that this feat is impossible. So I will wait. I'm not very good at the patience thing I must admit, so this will be a test of all tests! Definitely the hardest time in my life! Meanwhile, I am trying to keep busy and GAL as us dber's do!