It took me forever to shake off that feeling this morning. Now, I just feel tired. And dirty. My emotional side would love to show up at his door tomorrow and call him on this, make him see what he did to me and our family. But I know that is futile. My head has to stay in the lead here.
How could there be any way back from this? I feel like it is all over, and my family will never be the same. He will never be in my life as my partner again. How could he?
Do people really come back from this level?
Would I even want to? ***
I took the kids to finish their back-to-school clothes shopping this morning, then to a rib place for lunch. Now they are in the pool out back, playing with the dogs. At least they are getting the happy times they so deserve...hope I can get out of this funk sometime today.
Does your H look at all like Colin Farrel? I am way more into Colin Firth, reow. Have a great Back to School Day. Ours was pretty exciting and of course a little bittersweet. Remember everyone is on your side and most good folks want to see their friends and neighbours work it out especially for the sake of the family. Get back into the swing of fall. Take a pic of the kids in front of the house or school. Start creating new good memories.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
You will come back you M may or may not, but things will be different no matter what happens. Do not fear the future no matter what it brings. Embrace your new life and make the best of it.
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My emotional side would love to show up at his door tomorrow and call him on this, make him see what he did to me and our family.
He knows , some way you need to find a way to forgive him so that you can let it go and move forward. If you are to have any chance at all in the future you are going to need to forgive him. There is no way back for him if he thinks he will get punished for it.
Remember the Dog analogy .
A dog runs away from its owner , The owner runs after the dog shouting and the dog runs harder. Once its left alone it comes home and rather than a reward for coming home it get a scolding and hit. Next time the dog runs away its afraid to come home so it stays away a bit longer and gets a bigger beating when it does come home and so on. Now if that dog had been met with happyness and kindness when it came home ???
OT--I feel so lost right at this moment. I don't know what direction to turn... I just looked at my schedule for the coming month, and I hate this life that I have been forced to accept. I have to do so much all on my own. My children will be away from me more than they ever should have to. I know that I am still in the victim-mentality, and I don't know how to break it.
I thought my life was good before Nov. Now, all of that has been thrown into something ugly...I don't want any of this.
How do you see yourself Donna? Try to be positive. It is OK to wallow and cry and mourn. You will either get a better man if your H returns asking for forgiveness or you are letting go of a lost man who will not choose to get his sh!# together for his own family. I know it feels like a lose - lose, but in a way it can be a win-win. You can get yourself ready for a better life. One free form adultery and lies. We are in the thick of it now but time is on our side. Remember, we did not push anyone into an affair.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
OK, so I got a good cry out. Took a mini-nap, then came out from the bedroom (I try to keep it under 15 minutes). Had dinner with the clan, then they got me to play a board game and get me out of the funk.
{{{OT, mk}}} Thanks. Those were both good messages to hear right now.
Friend just came over; she was talking with D8, and my little one mentioned that I was always on the computer, and sometimes the kids had to make dinner (ouch--I think it happened 3 times in the last three months, when S wanted to cook...but I am sure that this gets back to H). So, I am logging off, and will need to make a more concerted effort to get involved with them when we have the time together--not get too caught up with grad school, work and keeping up with the house. Anyone have a cloning machine?
Well, night all. Hopefully I can stay steady until tomorrow night, now.
