When to move back in together?

[the girl]

Sara,
I really value your wisdom! Thanks for being interested in my story.
I really, really need some perspective now!

It seems that the LRT worked so well that my H is wondering why I have been so aloof with him and not talking more about our R.

We went on a nice date and he told me with almost forceful conviction that we needed to live together again if our marriage is going to make it. He said that once we recommit to being together, slowly the affection will grow.

I reminded him that I had to move out in order to protect myself from his lies and his emotional abuse, including deep resentment of me coming between him and his lover. He responded that it no longer the case so he won't return to that feeling.

I told him that I will never live with him in adultery EVER again and if I catch him in ANY way with her he will be out. I feel so strongly about this I told him he would come home to his stuff on the front lawn.

And I mean that.

I have built so much confidence being separated that I know my life would be great without him. I am no longer desperate for things to work out. I definately do not want my old marriage back. So that's where I need advice!

Is now the time to state what my needs/convicitons about our marriage are?

He seems to be pursuing living together again, though he still treats me like a nanny.

I would like him to know that I will no longer be in a marriage where I am repeatedly, routinely sexually rejected (has been a problem from day 1), and I am not interested in a man who habitually lies.

I also want him to show me he will commit to working on his issues, without me having to nag him to do it. I have been working on mine, and I have already changed in enormous ways. I have proved that I am willing to change. He hasn't even said he is willing to figure out his problems, let alone change them.

As for the OW, I was thinking of asking for media proof they are not talking, then I realized he could easily hide his correspondance with her.

My big thing is that I do not want him playing two fields. He is free to pursue whatever he wants with her, and I refuse to live with him while he does so. Furthermore, I will take the freedom to also date others. I am soooo tired of him expecting me to be the saint who will let him come and go. I will not be the fool anymore!

He says it is over, but that they talk occassionally.

Should I accept that?
I don't know.

He has been funny, friendly, generous...coming over about five times a week. Helping with the girls.

Should I tell him that I have a few concerns, if he wants to hear them...then gauge by his reaction how serious he really is in respecting me?

We are going to Retrouvaille Oct. 19.

The other option is to continue to play it cool until then.

What do you all think?
The Girl