This has really helped me a lot. Thank you. My W and I used to be extremely affectionate when we were "on". Now she tells me she feels like she wasted the past 3 years. It hurts but if that's the way she feels at the moment, there's nothing to be gained by trying to convince otherwise. I think mkultra said this when she was talking about phone conversations: just repeat the word zen. Be at peace. If your H says something or does something that hurts you, acknowledge it to yourself but don't let it in and don't let it show. Maintain your serenity. In some ways, this sitch is about power and balance. Your H is demonstrating his power by getting reactions out of you. These in turn upset the balance because the more you worry about the M, the less he has to. So, chose not to let him have the power and restore the balance. If he's going to stay gone make him work for it, make him own it. Worrying and pleading and cajoling puts it all on you and he's free to simply shoot down your suggestions without having to think about what they mean. Stop that and his mind will pick up where yours used to be. Of course, I should listen to my own advice because I am pretty much in the same boat. Don't lose hope.
