I don't think Heather ever said that she was going to take the kids... that came from me, not her... as an example of a boundary enforcing action.
I think before Heather can solve the problem, she has to figure out what the problem actually IS. Yes, she has all kinds of actions she can take... way before she would possibly leave (and that may not even be on her list)... When she is accurate and clear on the issue, THEN she can communicate in a more effective manner.
Again, I don't think Heather has a boundary issue given what she is saying here. IF her boundary is: **I** will not have sex with a man who watches porn, then there still is no problem. It would help a great deal for her to share that boundary with her H, so he knows.
What I see happening, though, is that she is trying to get her H to change his behaviors so that she doesn't have to enforce her boundary... she wants him to get her off the hook... she's having a tough time living with her own boundary.
He should want this, he should do that... he is being inconsistent with what he said is important to him... DISCUSS THAT with him.
But THAT is a separate issue, and has nothing to do with the above boundary, IF that is actually what it is. I don't know... Heather hasn't told us yet what the boundary is, and if she thinks he has violated it...
