On a different thread, frank_D wrote "I hardened my heart". That is very judgemental and negative. The fact is I have chosen to move on with my life without her in my life.
Your posts seem to say that your heart was hardened towards her. Others observed the same thing. It isn't 'judgemental', it's an observation. The fact that you 'feel judged' is often an indicator that there is some feeling inside you that you HAVE hardened your heart and you don't feel 'good' about it.
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And that is okay. For some here "standing" is the only course, even if it means standing forever. "Stand" and you are strong - anything else is wrong and you are weak. They are "sick" after all. Someone even once said the OM is a "drug" for their illness and therefore that is okay.
I don't believe in standing 'forever'. I also don't think that OM is 'ok' ever. However, OM IS a drug because of the endorphin high people get during the 'in love' phase and there isn't anything you can do to change that until it ends on its own.
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Spare me. Please.
Don't believe that is a theme for some here? Just check the MLC forum. How judgemental, when we should be supporting each other.
Now who is being angry, bitter, judgemental?
You're hurt, and that's the only thing I want to say.
As WCW says: "Being done is your choice. Being bitter is also a choice. Don't be bitter. It's a bad taste!"
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But I do not have to be her friend to forgive her. Nor will I try be any longer. "We are in the business of raising children, nothing more." That is her quote, not mine.
No you don't. You can be her enemy forever. Are you going to let her continue to determine how you and she will interact or are you going to decide to change it? Don't you think that some of her interaction with you, some of her negativity towards you is HER reflecting back to YOU how YOU act around her?
I read your sitch several times. If you read Deida and understand him you'd see that she flip flops between 'nice' and 'cold' because she is an emotionally confused woman. Deida says that YOU need to stay consistent in your response but you don't. You let her drive your feelings. so she sees you as 'the same'.
If you read your sitch, EVERY TIME you've set boundaries, been a rock, been consistent, she has backed down or softened up. Every time.
Stay angry if you like, have a good time the next 10-20 years when you see her at kids events. It's really your choice.
